(no subject)

[oyceter]

Favorite Olympic moments so far:

- Greek lady winning the 400m hurdles and watching the entire stadium cheer
- Felix Sanchez winning the first gold for the Dominican Republic
- Watching the American women's soccer team belt out the national anthem, completely out of tune, because I'm sick of no one singing
- The swimming relay between the Americans and the Australians, split second finish
- the Iraqi soccer team
- Watching the Greek springboard synchronized divers unexpectedly win gold
- Kate Allen coming up from nowhere and winning the triathalon

Paul Hamm winning the all-around would have been up here, except, grrrr, I was spoiled by the NYTimes and it unfortunately wasn't so exciting to watch =(. And, er, I was distracted while watching, so I didn't actually get to see all the excitement.

My dad had an extra camera lying around and gave it to me because mine is acting wonky. I have already filled the 128 mb card up with photos of the rats, videos of the rats, one picture of the boy, and two of the bookstore. I am turning into a rabid rat photographer -_-;;.

I am continuing to feel bad about job-gettage. Talked with career advisor lady today and felt horrible because am not aggressive or assertive or confident or even sure I am doing the right thing. Furthermore, do not want to appear aggressive or confident when I do not feel so. I also do not want to network or talk to other frightening career people, despite it being Good For Me and Good For My Future Career (in what? What career?) because they all scare me and make me feel completely stupid and small and inadequate and it just takes me back to doing ibanking and I have something akin to a nervous breakdown and can't drive home because I'm crying too hard. I don't know... the more I keep looking for jobs, the worse and worse and worse I feel about myself, and I guess that comes through interviews and informational interviews, so no one thinks I'm really worth helping anyway, which makes me feel even worse. And the vicious cycle continues.

And I probably screwed up my one chance at getting a job because I didn't do my research and sounded totally wishy-washy and stupid.

I can't tell anymore if it's worth doing this, instead of just staying at the bookstore and being less confused. Everyone (the boy, my parents, career advisor lady) is pushing for me to find a Real Job, and I can't even tell what I think about it anymore. And, I dunno. I just keep getting more and more depressed, or get more anxiety attacks, or whatever it is that happens to me.

Comments

[minnow1212.livejournal.com]

:hugs:

>I probably screwed up my one chance at getting a job<

It wasn't. Really, it wasn't your one chance.

I hate job-hunting for exactly the same reasons you do; I want to just up and say to them, "Listen. I don't know if I'm the super-best person for the job. I can't work wonders. But I would try hard and I'm usually pretty decent at picking things up, so you really could do worse."

>Everyone (the boy, my parents, career advisor lady) is pushing for me to find a Real Job<

When I was looking for a Real Job the first time, I was still living at home after grad school, and it got bad because my mom was home all the time and inquiring into progress and we were constantly snippy with each other because I felt like she was nagging and she felt like she was just expressing interest and concern and it was all very bad. When I went on the job market again a few years later, I basically sat my parents down and said, "So here's the thing. I will tell you of any positive progress, but other than that, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't *ask*, because it just makes me nervous and I'm stressed already." It helped that I wasn't living with them at that point, but they did get the hint and let me relay information to them instead of pestering me for it. I don't know if it's an option with your parents and your boyfriend, but maybe you can sit them down and do something similiar. "Listen, I will keep you updated if something happens, but please let me be the one to bring the topic up, because it's freaking me out a bit."

>I can't tell anymore if it's worth doing this, instead of just staying at the bookstore and being less confused. Everyone (the boy, my parents, career advisor lady) is pushing for me to find a Real Job, and I can't even tell what I think about it anymore<

:hugs again: Maybe one way to look at it is that you do have a job already. It pays money, it keeps you busy, you work at it; ergo, you have a Real Job.
(Maybe it's that a lot of my friends are liberal-arts type people, but I know relatively few people who really have *careers.* Most of us seem to fall into jobs that didn't necessarily have a lot to do with what we majored in in college, and end up in pretty unexpected employment places.)

Now maybe you want to find a *different* job, because this one doesn't offer benefits or opportunities for advancement or it doesn't pay enough or whatever, but you do have a job already. And it might be helpful to go into interviews with that in mind, with the knowledge that (a) you were hired there, so you've got proof that you're employable (b) you've been a good employee there, and you're likely to be a good employee elsewhere (I mean, are you going to rob from the company? Are you going to give your boss and your fellow employees attitude problems? Are you going to quit after a week at the company, skipping out after you get your first paycheck and leaving the project that was due that day unfinished? I suspect not. So, congratulations! You'd be better than some people I've worked with at one place or another, and they managed to get past hiring managers, which means so can you.) and (c) You do have a job, so you're pulling in money. Staying at the bookstore is an option. Just, it's one of many.

[yhlee.livejournal.com]

This is all very, very good advice.

Maybe what would help is to take a couple weeks off from the job-hunting, especially if you're getting stressed and unhappy; I personally suck at making decisions under those circumstances (although I also know people who can pull themselves together--alas, I'm not one of 'em), and if you're okay at your current job for at least a little longer, the time off really may be the best thing so you can sit back, NOT think about it, and be refreshed to think about it in a better frame of mind.

One of the things I regret was that the one full-time job I held down before, y'know, spawning, I took because of in-law pressure. Circumstances made it almost impossible for me to do jobsearching in time for the regular school year to begin, so I was figuring on substituting, acclimating to Boston, and checking out the local school districts. Instead, when I was offered a full-time partway-through-the-year position specifically to replace a teacher who had completely let discipline/sanity lapse in all his classes, I did what was wrong for me as a first-year, and took the job, and ended up quitting three months later because it did get that bad. I would have been better off waiting out the year, despite the nagging, and going to a school that was a better fit for me, and starting out with my own classroom for the get-go instead of someone else's out-of-control kids. :-]

Moral of the story: do not let pressure make you jump into a situation that will be not-so-good for you.

[oyceter]

The problem is I have been taking time off from job-hunting -- didn't send anything out or talk to anyone, and now I feel like I'm kind of being chewed out by the career advisor for doing so. And for being sort of lazy about the search in general because thinking about it stresses me out too much.

Yeah.. I basically buckled under parental pressure and went for an investment banking internship in college, which was quite possibly one of the worst things to do. Ugh.

[oyceter]

Thanks ^_^.

Heh, I've already had several mock-arguments in my head now... "Hey, Mom, I'd really appreciate it if you stopped asking me because I'm very stressed" which degenerates quickly into a "This is why you won't get a job, because you have such a bad attitude!" or "Mommy is just trying to help you, why are you being so stubborn?"

I think one of the toughest thing is that I don't know many liberal-arts people... everyone around me growing up was an engineer. Well, ninety percent, or something like that. Five percent of the rest were business people. They've all got careers, and are going places, and all the networking people I'm talking to are like that too. It makes me feel so small and stupid.

And I know career advisor lady is there to pressure me so I get stuff done, except the pressure drives me completely around the bend sometimes. Sigh.

book pimpage

[knullabulla.livejournal.com]

see if you can find a copy of "what color is my parachute?" it's one of the best career advice books around. very good exercises for finding your "transferable skills" and lots of personality/interest assesment tests. I found it very helpful for finding things that I'm good at. If you can't find it, I'd be able to type out some of the (shorter) exercises for you.

I also hate networking with other job seekers, it just seems so illogical... wouldn't it be better to network with people who HAVE jobs at companies that are actually HIRING? ;)

I certainly hope that you haven't screwed up your one chance for a job... cause that'd mean that there's literally only a handful of jobs out there, and I NEED ONE TOO!!! I'm positive that there's a job out there for you, a job out there for me, and--oh, why the heck not?--maybe a job or two for everybody else. Good luck on your next interview; you'll do great cause now you know to prepare :)

*hugs*

Re: book pimpage

[oyceter]

I've got a copy of that sitting around actually -- I just haven't gotten around to reading it, heh.

Gah, I hate networking. I hate being friendly to people just to "make contacts." It feels so artificial.

Thanks ^_^.