(no subject)

[oyceter]

ginmar's last few posts in general make me feel very queasy and very angry that I am female. I hate that I have to think about this, that I worry about walking outside when it's dark and I'm alone but my boyfriend doesn't. I hate that people I knew at college laughed at the Take Back the Night marches and thought they were unnecessary and quoted the same kinds of statistics on male rape or females lying about being raped (ala Disclosure, stupid ass book). I hate that I feel nidgy and frightened whenever a strange man talks to me, even if he's just being friendly. I hate that I feel almost physically threatened when men invade my personal space. I also hate that my mom tells stories of people being raped to make sure I am more careful, that my sister sometimes blames unwelcome attention from guys on herself being "too friendly." I hate that when she does that, my mom substantiates it and says my sister should be more careful who she smiles to, because people could get the wrong impression.

I hate that this fear has power over my life just because I am female.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

i agree with you, joyce. it really bothers me when my mom discourages me from wearing spagetti-strap tops because they just might invite unwanted attention. i think it is absolutely outrageous to think that unwelcome attention is your own fault, for having been too friendly. unless we are talking about stuff beyond "friend" terms. you can't live your life worried that every move you make might *gasp* give ppl the wrong impression.

i generally don't get scared walking around at night because all the places i actually choose to stroll around are ones where i know the police patrol regularly (i.e., only on campus). also, i'm pretty fortunate that strange men/ppl never come talk to me. i think it's because i give off this vibe that shouts "don't mess with me or i'll kick your ass." (probably because i look angry all the time or something.) i don't often feel threatened because i turn whatever fear i have into anger (kind of like when i smash cockroaches and bugs). in houston, outside some of the ghetto-er restaurants, there are bums that approach you, give you some ridiculous story, and ask you for spare change. in those scenarios, i never stop to listen to their story but instead get my keys ready in case i need to stab them in the eye. i then promptly head to my car and lock the doors.

i took a self-defence for women class my freshman year, and i really recommend that you take something like that, for your own reassurance more than anything else. one of my other female friends has taken karate since she was in junior high. my two cents' worth is that you should NOT live your life in fear of strangers, of the scary possibilities, of the things that could go wrong just because you are female. but at the same time, this does not been that you should ignore your gut feelings and not be completely aware of your surroundings, which i suspect is what often happens to ppl who get victimized. change your mentality of having to live in fear or necessarily being weaker just because you are female because that mentality unknowingly affects how you carry yourself and convey yourself to other ppl (which has potential to making you a target). during seminars that teach women how to be smarter about avoid bad situations, they point out usually women who are labeled as easy targets (i.e., appear weak and defenseless) are sought out specifically. don't let that be you. you are strong and beautiful and no one should be messing with you.
(anlee)

[oyceter]

Yeah, I actually took a class offered by the school (plus a semester's worth of karate and kendo each). I should carry my kendo stick around all the time, and then no one would f** with me.

I don't know why all these strange guys talk to me! It's really annoying, and I wish I had a giant sign that said "GO AWAY."

I hate living and wondering all the time if I am giving "the wrong impression" etc. etc. if I am wearing tight clothing or whatever. It's such a stupid thing -- it reminds of Reading Lolita in Iran and how the women there had to veil themselves and cover themselves in case they provoked the men!! Yeah, limit the women's freedom because the men can't control themselves?!