(no subject)

[oyceter]

ginmar's last few posts in general make me feel very queasy and very angry that I am female. I hate that I have to think about this, that I worry about walking outside when it's dark and I'm alone but my boyfriend doesn't. I hate that people I knew at college laughed at the Take Back the Night marches and thought they were unnecessary and quoted the same kinds of statistics on male rape or females lying about being raped (ala Disclosure, stupid ass book). I hate that I feel nidgy and frightened whenever a strange man talks to me, even if he's just being friendly. I hate that I feel almost physically threatened when men invade my personal space. I also hate that my mom tells stories of people being raped to make sure I am more careful, that my sister sometimes blames unwelcome attention from guys on herself being "too friendly." I hate that when she does that, my mom substantiates it and says my sister should be more careful who she smiles to, because people could get the wrong impression.

I hate that this fear has power over my life just because I am female.

Comments

[angeyja.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Oyce have you ever thought about taking a self defense class? I ask because I was in a situation whne I was your age wherein someone I knew well was trying to choke me. It wasn't rape; it was consensual, at least initially. Successfully getting out of that changed me. Classes aren't the same thing but they may help you learn how to deal with potentially dangerous situations, and feel better about this.

I'm not a fan of seeking trouble (although there were times I did when I was young--I was a little wild) and I believe it's a real fallacy to think that you can avoid trouble by your behavior. I see it as a part of the tendency to blame the victim, and a theory that assumes perfect choices and a degree of control that isn't a good match with reality. I also don't believe that any of can achieve perfect protection. We can take disturbing feelings and if it's apt use those a springboard to try to achieve personal or social change, and then learning to deal with the balance, living in a world of uncertainty, is the other and sometimes more difficult piece.

Not easy stuff. *smile*

[oyceter]

I actually have -- a four week one focused on women's self defense, plus half a year of both karate and kendo (I have a really short attention span when it comes to exercise). I very much enjoyed beating things up, heh heh.

Sigh. I just wish that there wasn't this reason to fear, you know? Even if I think I can take care of myself, I want there to be no reason for me to have to learn this or to feel wary. Ugh. Sometimes I wish I could just kick the world into a better shape or something.

Not easy stuff indeed.