(no subject)

[oyceter]

And another happy thought: I think I'm not depressed anymore. It's hard to be sure, but that's how it feels. I realized it today when I was calling up the insurance company to make arrangements and file claims and all that other nasty stuff. Me. I called them up and calmly discussed all this. I did not break into tears. I didn't freak out and make the boy do it. I didn't particularly want to do it, but I had to, and I got the ball rolling. It sounds like such a silly, inconsequential little thing, but it was one of the hardest things about being depressed (well, that and the whole being depressed and screaming and miserable and hurting bit).

I'm almost scared to point it out, for fear that I'll simply relapse again. It feels like finally being able to breathe again, not realizing that the entire time I had had this giant weight on my chest. I had almost forgotten what it was like, not being anxious and worried and stressed about everything, about my own competence. This is nice. I hope this lasts.

Addendum, in case I am sounding too Pollyannish these days (I am just so overwhelmingly grateful that I am ok and that the other guy is ok that I am cycling through being extraordinarily happy and really really scared about driving) -- I am still kicking myself in the head because I forgot the hardcover library sale was today and I missed it! Argh.

Comments

[midnightsjane.livejournal.com]

figure if I've got the choice to look at it from the bright side, might as well! Better for my mood at the very least ;).
Absolutely. Optimism is the much better choice. There are studies that show that optimistic people's immune sytems are stronger than those of pessimistic types. I'm one of the glass half full types myself. My operating philosophy is that things always work out, and that even the tough times have a purpose in making me a stronger person. I remember that my Mom had a plate hanging on a wall with a motto that may sound trite, but it is one I agree with: "when life hands you a lemon, make lemonaide." ;)

[oyceter]

It's funny because I've seen a study or so that shows that depressed people actually have a more accurate worldview. But been there, done that, and even if it is more accurate, it's definitely 10 times more depressing. Even if things are going wrong, it just helps me deal better if I think they're going all right.