Sakura of DOOM

I went to see The Da Vinci Code with my parents on the weekend, despite loathing the book. Well, honestly, I don't loathe it the way I've loathed other books; I just think that the author is lazy and that the prose is horrific. I wouldn't be so irked about the whole Grail conspiracy theory had Dan Brown not included a disclaimer in the front saying that things were indeed truthful and had his theory of the sacred feminine not been so rage-inducing.

That said, I was actually rather entertained by the movie, largely because Ron Howard is a much better movie-maker than Dan Brown is a writer. It's too bad the movie sticks so closely to the book (and yes, this may be the first and last time you will ever hear me say this), because the visuals of the movie are lovely. There's the opening sequence in which a man is being pursued through the Louvre, and the camera lingers on all the famous paintings for just a little.

There are the flashbacks to the Crusades and assorted other things in a muted sepia, knights in armor, cathedrals, marble effigies and etc.

Audrey Tautou is beautiful, despite having nothing to do.

So... yes, I like it as a movie in that it is beautiful to look at and a solid piece of filmmaking, with a wonderfully fun performance by Ian McKlellan.

Sadly, said solid piece of filmmaking is saddled with the book, which is, frankly, ridiculous. First, I nearly snickered through the entire opening, because the thought of a man shot through the gut having enough time to plant clues throughout the museum as he was bleeding his life out was ludicrous. The director tries to make things work, but honestly, there's only so much you can do when the villain of the piece is a fanatic, masochistic albino dressed in monk's robes who routinely flagellates himself while muttering in Latin.

Albino.

Yeah.

Just typing that makes me snicker. Also, I somehow doubt that Dan Brown realized how ludicrous said fanatic, masochistic albino in medieval monk's robes looks talking on a cell phone, even if the conversation is in Latin (or Italian? I can't tell).

And the entire explanation of the conspiracy still makes me want to laugh because it's so nonsensical. Thankfully, the script cuts a lot of the blathering that goes on in the book about the sacred feminine and blah blah blah, and there's less taking the conspiracy at face value.

So... pretty movie with much talent involved, and despite the many attempts to circumvent the awful, awful prose of the book (I mean... Mary Sue awful), still gets bogged down by the plot.