(no subject)

[oyceter]

ginmar's last few posts in general make me feel very queasy and very angry that I am female. I hate that I have to think about this, that I worry about walking outside when it's dark and I'm alone but my boyfriend doesn't. I hate that people I knew at college laughed at the Take Back the Night marches and thought they were unnecessary and quoted the same kinds of statistics on male rape or females lying about being raped (ala Disclosure, stupid ass book). I hate that I feel nidgy and frightened whenever a strange man talks to me, even if he's just being friendly. I hate that I feel almost physically threatened when men invade my personal space. I also hate that my mom tells stories of people being raped to make sure I am more careful, that my sister sometimes blames unwelcome attention from guys on herself being "too friendly." I hate that when she does that, my mom substantiates it and says my sister should be more careful who she smiles to, because people could get the wrong impression.

I hate that this fear has power over my life just because I am female.

Comments

I'm with you on that,

[anneth.livejournal.com]

I hate that this fear has power over my life just because I am female.

It's a vicious sort of irony, in my experience - books, classes, the 'right' kind of attitude (for instance, the oft-quoted suggestions that women wear sensible shoes and keep their hair in a bun when in a dangerous situation, walk purposefully, act as though they know what they're doing, to dissuade potential victimizers) - it doesn't matter if you have them, because the fact is, if you're a woman, you're more voulnerable in certain situations than a man would be. It's not right, it's not fair, but it's the truth.

My roommate and I were mugged at 10 pm no more than 50 feet from our dorm. We were coming home from dinner, and shouting Shakespearean quotations at the top of our lungs, but a guy threatened us with a knife anyway (we didn't even have any money). Yes, he was caught within a few minutes, yes he was tried, convincted, and sentenced to several years of prison, but I've never, ever, ever been comfortable walking at night again. Even though that was in Chicago, and I now live in the uber-suburban saftey of a small, wealthy town, I don't like walking at night, or sleeping with my windows open. The problem is, I was doing everything "right" but I was attacked anyway. Would he have approached us if my friend had been a man? If I'd been a man? I just don't think so. And I hate that, I hate that that man destroyed my confidence and made me afraid. I hate my fear.

My boyfriend, an otherwise sensitive and understanding guy, is absolutely unsympathetic in this regard. When we were in New York city last December, we ended up walking through an obviously bad neighborhood at about 11 at night, and I was so upset about it that I made him agree to a taxi for the return trip. He still gives me grief about this, by jokingly telling the story to friends and teasingly referring to me as "sheltered" - (which is ridiculous, as I grew up in LA and went to college in one of the poorest neighborhoods in the entire country) - because he, at 6 feet and 185 lbs, doesn't understand. He's never been forced to confront his vulnerability. He's never been so afraid that he's looked at every passing stranger as a potential attacker.

There's something seriously wrong with our society, that a woman can be punished (either by society or by an attacker) for dressing as she wants, for responding to people as she wants. Florida (i think it's Fl) is even considering repealing the rape-shield laws that make it illegal for a defense attorney to bring up a rape victim's clothes, attitude, and prior sexual history in a rape trial! I hate that fear that you feel, I hate it in you, in myself, and in everyone, but I accept it, and I hope by my life and by my feminist movements to help make the changes to society that make it a part of our lives. I guess, it's not just about taking back the night, it's about changing the world. It's about making those who haven't experienced violence understand how it changes survivors, and it's about squelching the causes of that violence. (I'm sorry to get so preachy; I feel very strongly about this issue.)

Re: I'm with you on that,

[oyceter]

Exactly. And it places all the responsibility on the victim as well -- it reminds me of the discussion going on in Rahael's journal at one point about people feeling uncomfortable around these situations and the tendency to blame the victim.

And I hate feeling belittled whenever I go off about this because it's just a woman's issue, or whatever nonsense.

Sometimes I wish everyone would have to somehow live through the experience of being a racial minority or being female.

And you are most definitely preaching to the choir here ;). This issue (and issues like it) are my flaming red hot button issues.