(no subject)

[oyceter]

ginmar's last few posts in general make me feel very queasy and very angry that I am female. I hate that I have to think about this, that I worry about walking outside when it's dark and I'm alone but my boyfriend doesn't. I hate that people I knew at college laughed at the Take Back the Night marches and thought they were unnecessary and quoted the same kinds of statistics on male rape or females lying about being raped (ala Disclosure, stupid ass book). I hate that I feel nidgy and frightened whenever a strange man talks to me, even if he's just being friendly. I hate that I feel almost physically threatened when men invade my personal space. I also hate that my mom tells stories of people being raped to make sure I am more careful, that my sister sometimes blames unwelcome attention from guys on herself being "too friendly." I hate that when she does that, my mom substantiates it and says my sister should be more careful who she smiles to, because people could get the wrong impression.

I hate that this fear has power over my life just because I am female.

Comments

[deevalish.livejournal.com]

I hate that this fear has power over my life just because I am female.

I used to think this way. I'm not sure what changed. Maybe it's because I'm older. Perhaps I am a little foolhardy in thinking that I can handle myself in an intense situation and that I could pull through intact. Shaken, probably but intact.

It doesn't mean that I still don't have this fear. If it's dark, I always scan the area around me, to see who is near and where they are. I don't like it when strange men feel compelled to talk to me. I understand that for some, they are merely being friendly. Depending on my mood, I will either just be polite and move along or if there is no place to move along to, be pleasant enough till my stop. That is also depending on how sane the guy is.

Self defense helps a little. It teaches you an "out". Some people are of the opinion that it teaches a false sense of security. I don't believe that. It's not false if it gives you the the power and the freedom to move about your life. The world is not a lions den.

[oyceter]

Self defense/martial arts classes were really wonderful when I was taking them, but it's been a while... I think I overcompensate in them and hit really hard ;).

What I hate most about the fear is that it changes my own behavior -- what I wear, where I think I can go safely, etc. And furthermore, so many people keep encouraging women in general to change their behavior to avoid this type of situation instead of addressing the root issue of violence, as though if by simply doing the right things, one can avoid it.