My brain is fried

[oyceter]

So after writing a paragraph of the thesis, I decided that that was enough. 15 pages by Friday, I can do this, yes yes.

Just watched End of Evangelion with the boy. The boy is now slightly incoherent. You know those weird art films like Being John Malkovich? They have nothing on End of Evangelion. Seriously. I honestly love that series so much though. It always ends up making me feel better because Shinji decides ultimately that he can live on in the world and that he can try to get close to people without hurting them or himself. It's very beautiful. Well, I think. The boy just thinks I'm messed up and weird. Possibly crazy as well.

And now, from anniesj's meme:


I haven't watched most of seasons one, three, and four yet. I've watched about half of season five, and all of two, six and seven. I'm not a very good fan.

So here goes my list of Buffy moments that just get to me:

Season One:
- Buffy's I don't want to die speech
- Willow walking in on the carnage in the student lounge, especially the blood on the TV playing cartoons. *shiver*

Season Two:
- Willow getting ice cream on her nose, and the almost-kiss with Xander
- Willow trying the nose trick again and being completely ignored
- Spike driving over the Sunnydale sign and stepping out of his car.. woohoo!
- The entrance of Dru and Spike's morph into human face. I love the entire exchange between him and Dru "Kill her for me? Kill her for Princess?"
- Spike and Dru walking off from the Annointed One's ashes, with the Danny Elfman-esque music playing. I love Spike and Dru.
- Dru's entire thing on naming the stars
- All the wonderfully loving Spike/Dru exchanges, which are morbidly endearing to me. This is why I love Spike. Well, among many other reasons.
- I love when Oz sees Eskimo!Willow, and really notices her for the first time. This instantly made me like Oz.
- Dru rising out of the remains of the organ, holding up Spike. Creepy.
- The maggot assassin from What's My Line makes me itch all over every single time.
- Willow finding Xander and Cordelia kissing in the stacks... Willow breaks my heart so often in this season.
- When Ted wallops Buffy, it scares me. I think it's the image. And I love it when Buffy can hit him back.
- Angel going over Buffy's wounds at the end of Surprise
- Angel turning Angelus in the rain, all the way until his blowing smoke... *shivers*
- Xander trying not to act uncomfortable about Larry's coming out of the closet. Hee.
- I loved loved loved how they did the entire Buffy/Angel(us) thing in I Only Have Eyes for You
- Buffy. Bazooka. Judge.
- Spike's impotence in the face of Angelus.
- Cordy's reaction to the heart necklace from Xander, and Cordy having to pull it out from under her shirt when she returns it. I really started liking Cordy then. And the hurtness of Xander when she rejected him.
- The shot of Jenny Calender holding the Orb of Thessulah. It reminds me of Tara blowing out the candle in New Moon Rising.
- Oz's explanation of why he doesn't kiss Willow in Innocence
- The sheer guilt that Buffy carries through Innocence... I hurt for her so badly.
- Angelus' chase of Jenny Calender through the school was so scary. And even though I knew what was going to happen, the moment when he snapped her neck chilled me to the bone. That was when Angelus became something to be afraid of. That was also when I started agreeing with Xander... couldn't see how Angel was going to come back from that.
- The entire sequence, with the opera music playing, of Giles finding "Jenny's" note and champagne, his expression going up the stairs, and the horrifying blankness of his face when he realized what happened. That tears my heart out.
- Giles going in the factory by himself, very frightening outburst of Ripper.
- Buffy and Giles' hug at the end of Passion
- The Killed by Death monster was very. very. scary.
- As was the clown with the knife in Nightmares.
- Cordy trying to reconcile herself to Xander-as-fish
- Xander's speech to Willow in a coma in Becoming made me cry... and her "Oz?" did too
- Giles seeing Jenny again... and realizing later he was tricked. I heart Giles so much.
- Black Magic Willow in the hospital bed. Very creepy, especially having seen season six.
- Spike and Joyce meeting for the first time "She plays... the triangle!"
- Spike getting out of his wheelchair to brain Angelus. Nyaha.
- The attack on the library and Buffy's run.
- The moment when she catches Angelus' sword tip, opens her eyes, and says "Me." Cheering moment!
- "Close your eyes"

Season Three:
- Spike in Lovers Walk. All of Spike. His grand, stumbling entrance into Sunnydale, marshmallows, "Our love was eternal... literally!" the love's bitch speech, his crying on Willow, and his grand exit, singing at the top of his lungs.
- Cordy and the rebar.. Cordy in the hospital. Poor Cordy.
- All of the Wish. Especially the big fight at the end and the final scene with (yay!) the Scoobies happily leaving school together.
- Giles' hugging Willow in Doppelgangland.
- Vamp!Willow. Especially when she licks Willow down the neck. Brrrr.
- Xander and his new car in the Zeppo. Hee.

Season Four:
- I felt so bad for Willow in Wild at Heart. And then scared of her when she started her spell.
- Loved the opening with Spike threatening death and all bad things to Buffy... then ZAP! Hee hee hee.
- The Spike and Willow exchange during the Initiative.
- The Gentlemen scare me very much
- Giles' flashcards were awesome.
- I love how scared and angry Xander was when he thought Spike had hurt Anya.
- The final moment in Hush between Buffy and Riley
- Willow outing herself to Buffy
- Willow and Tara doing the spell together to move the big thing to block the door.

Season Five:
- Life through Dawn's eyes in Real Me made me like her at once.
- Fool for Love. All of it. Particularly Billy Idol Spike in the subway, the tongue thing, lighting the match on the pool table, foppish William meeting Dru, the slo-mo of the Fanged Four in China, Spike and the Chinese slayer and Dru, and the mixing of Spike battling Nikki and Spike talking to Buffy.
- Really loved the tears on Spike's face when Buffy shoves him down and throws money at him.
- Harmony's rendition of Chipped!Spike
- The last scene on the porch. FFL was the first Buffy episode I really watched, and it made me fall in love with Spike and the show instantly. I adore watching JM shift from rage to puzzlement to understanding for Buffy. And I love the distance between the two on the steps and his awkward patting her back.
- Dawn and Spike breaking into the Magic Box
- Dawn, asking if she's real
- Buffy mixing her blood with Dawn's, telling her they're family
- Spike telling Dawn ghost stories in the crypt, along with the entire evil discussion. I loved all the Spike and Dawn interactions in season five... two outsider characters bonding
- Harmony's exit speech in Crush
- Dru and the burning baby fishies
- All of the Body. That episode just hurt.
- Anya's speech in the Body makes me cry every time
- I love Tara talking with Buffy about her own mother dying and being the only one really getting through to Buffy
- Buffybot!
- I felt bad for April the robot not understanding why Warren didn't love her
- Spike actually being nice to the Buffybot
- Bob Barker. Snickers
- Spike torture
- The look on Spike's face when he realizes it's Buffy kissing him
- Buffy and Giles' tired speech about apocalypses in the Gift
- "Here to help. Want to live."
- Xander proposing to Anya
- "We few... we happy few." "We band of buggered"
- Giles killing Ben gave me chills
- I loved Spike's desperate run up the tower and the shared, horrified look between him and Dawn when Doc stabs him
- The almost scared, very touched look on Spike's face when Buffy invites him back in, and the way he tries to cover it up.
- "I know I'm a monster, but you treat me like a man. And that's --"
- Buffy's swan dive, overlaid with her talking to Dawn and the reactions of the Scoobies makes me cry.
- The gravestone makes me cry harder

Season Six:
- Spike protecting and entertaining Dawn in Bargaining
- Chills when the pretty pastoral scene is shattered by Willow killing the fawn
- Really Dark Magic Willow
- Spike's expression when he sees the Buffybot
- death of the Buffybot is scary
- Dawn sleeping with the Buffybot
- Dawn and Buffy on the tower. Moments like these make me adore Dawn.
- I loved the love and awkwardness of Dawn cleaning Buffy's hands and getting her dressed, trying to explain why the house was different
- Maybe my favorite Spuffy scene ever is Spike's expression when he realizes it's not the Buffybot coming down the stairs. You just know he can't quite make himself believe that she's alive again because he's almost afraid to believe.
- Spike holding Buffy's hands and the 147 days bit.
- Spike crying outside and trying to hide it from Xander
- "Every night I save you"
- All of OMWF
- Randy!Spike/Giles interaction (ooo, sounds so sketchy)
- The group scream in the face of demons and the slamming of the door
- "I'm a superhero!"
- The end of Tabula Rasa, with the music, and the kiss, and the leaving of Tara and Giles
- The look on Spike's face when Buffy kisses him in Smashed
- The house. Falling down. If I were the house, that's what I would have done too.
- Morning after in Wrecked
- Buffy's nightmares/dreams in Dead Things
- The "Please don't forgive me" to Tara made me really get just how bad of a place Buffy was in
- The anger and disgust at herself in Buffy's face when she whales on Spike always makes me feel raw inside
- Dead Things made the Trio scary
- "Tell me you love me"
- I loved Anya's vows to Xander, and they just hurt on rewatching because I know what's going to happen
- Buffy and Spike's quiet exchange during the wedding made me think they had something more than house-breaking sex going for them
- The end of Entropy, when everything starts falling apart, tempered by Tara's "Can you just be kissing me now?"
- I agree with AnnieSJ... it may be bad, but the Seeing Red attempted rape tore me to bits because of what Buffy was feeling and because I could almost feel Spike snap there because he wanted her to love him so badly. And his exchange with Clem, breaking the glass... ouch
- Buffy and Xander reconciling!
- Willow going black eyed.
- Scarily calm Willow sucks the magic right out of the books... brrrr
- The flaying of Warren
- "I'm blond now!" and the return of Giles, yay!
- Xander telling Willow he loves her on the bluff also makes me cry every time. I also have a bit of fic stuck in my head.. don't know where it's from, but it's "and that bright morning when Willow went out of her mind and tried to destroy the world." I love that. And I loved Willow crying in Xander's arms about everything, her hair going back to red.

Season Seven:
- The procession of past villains in Lessons
- The church broke my heart.
- Willow's exchanges with Giles in England
- The entire sequence with Dawn and Joyce's dead body may be the scariest thing on Buffy ever.
- Chase Buffy with the bazooka!
- Swedish subtitles.. hee hee hee.
- The brutal cut from Anya singing in her wedding gown to Anya stabbed through the heart hurt. A lot.
- Anya's face as she realizes what D'Hoffryn is going to do to Hallie
- Anya's walk off alone, not sure if she's anyone anymore, or if she ever was
- Spike baring his chest in Sleeper, fully expecting and wanting Buffy to stake him
- "I believe in you, Spike"
- The rescue scene in Showtime.. I love how quiet this scene is
- Xander's speech to Dawn about being extraordinary. This made me realize (again) this was the same Xander that talked Willow down on the bluff and I loved him very much
- Spike. Coat. Woohoo!
- Buffy fighting back against the Shadow Men
- "In my plan... we are beltless!"
-"We are as GOOOOODS"
- Buffy's speech about people dying made me get how scared she was
- Andrew's last bit to the camera, when he has nothing left to say.


Wow. That was long. And that's after I haven't even seen half of Buffy. I love my show so very very very much! I'm so sad that it's ending, but clinging desperately to the hope of a great finale and a spin-off.