Buffy 7x17 Lies My Parents Told Me (more thoughts)

[oyceter]

So. I'm still confused after rewatching the episode. I don't quite understand why Spike had to go through all those flashbacks to neutralize the trigger's hold on him. Was it effective because he had buried all those memories of his mother, and the song somehow brought them back, enraging him? Or was it because it reminded him that his mother thought he was a bad poet and not much of a man as well, which triggered him because he felt he had to turn more evil like she was? Also, I'm not sure if he had a huge mother complex or not. Obviously, he felt for her a great deal, yet I'm not sure I buy her post-vamp speech on how William wanted her sexually.

I'm guessing that we were supposed to get that his mother's betrayal was the basic thing that turned William into William the Bloody/Spike, since it was the last straw added on to the general derision and scorn he got from society and Cecily. And again, it seems we have evidence that Spike isn't exactly a "proper" vampire, as he had to work up to stake his mother. He also obviously still cared about her as a vampire. I think, in the end, this negates his final statements to Wood stating that Spike's own mother loved Spike and only the demon would say such nasty bad things. I can see Spike thinking this perhaps to mitigate his own feelings or explaining to himself that his mother only thought those things sometimes. Hrm. But then, if this is so, why would this realization detrigger him?

Did anyone else kind of get the feeling that Spike was implicitly bringing Buffy into the picture when he was talking to Wood about their respective mothers? Wood points out (for the third time?) in the beginning of the episode just how much Buffy reminds him of his mother, just as Spike says in FFL that Nikki was the Slayer most like Buffy. He then talks to Wood about his mother loving him, yes, but not enough to give up the mission, which seems to me more like projection. Perhaps he believes that Buffy may love him, or could have allowed herself to love him, if it were not for her mission -- i.e. he's a vampire and she's a Slayer, she can never let go of that. And if he can't have Buffy's love, at least he tells himself that his own mother loved him. Hrm. Does this mean Spike also sees Buffy as a mother figure? Perhaps he does because she's a protector, which he emphasizes when he tells her to go look after Dawn. Or perhaps he might because he sees her as a kind of shelter against the people in the world who want to put him down -- note the small smirk he gives to Giles as he follows Buffy up the stairs. Buffy is the mother of the potentials in a way; she trains them and tries to teach them about the world. Yet, like Nikki, she's a harsh mother who sets the mission before the safety of her adopted children. She tells Giles that she's willing to sacrifice anyone, including Dawn, whose surrogate mother and blood mother she is. Yet, perhaps at the same time, Spike is also trying to equate Buffy with his own mother, someone who was cruel to him because of a demon inside of her, or, in Buffy's case, perhaps because of the demon of depression. In the end, though, to Spike, his mother did love him, and perhaps he hopes that in the end, despite the mission and the Slayer-fights-alone ethos Buffy has, Buffy too will love him and pass off the previous abuse as a "demonic" force.

Hrm. So maybe Spike's entire speech to Wood wasn't about Wood at all, but more Spike trying to reconcile his own fears about his worthiness of love. He may also be trying to reconcile his own simultaneous fear and desire for authoritative female figures like his mother, Dru (mother of another life) and Buffy. Perhaps this is why he has a thing for Slayers? Maybe he needs to hunt these people who can harm him and who are always female. And perhaps this is why he bonded with Joyce so well... she was a female authority figure, yet she did not have real power over him, so she was in a sense safe. Same with Dawn, the mini-Buffy. There's a lack of sexual tension between his encounters with Dawn and Joyce that might stem from the idea of a female authority made safe -- both Dawn and Joyce are related to Buffy, giving them a sort of aura of authority, yet neither of them can truly beat him in a fight, making them safe. His mother was also part of this category, completely safe because he thought she adored him, yet she turned dangerous and grew teeth (hee). Cecily too is stuck in the mix -- Cecily has power over William because she seems to be more socially accepted than he is, and she uses that power against him, just as Buffy does. Dru is also at times fearsome, as Spike can take care of her but not keep her faithful to him. Harmony, on the other hand, doesn't have the aura of authority that might attract Spike to women, causing him to entirely disregard her.

And to make this less All About Spike, I don't think Buffy's general-esque attitude is going to end well. She said before that you can't do evil to fight evil, and I think that may be the theme here. While killing Spike may not be evil because he is a threat, it may also be evil because it's not giving an ensouled being a chance to live up to his potential. Furthermore, Buffy goes farther and says she's willing to kill Dawn. Anya draws the parallels to Selfless too, where Buffy was all too willing to grab power and declare herself the law. While here Buffy is being more compassionate to Spike, she still isn't to anyone else, which I think is the problem. I mean, didn't the First Slayer or some power looking like the First tell her that her love was so strong it frightened her? Still think Buffy needs to harness that. I think Buffy might have realized this at the end too. She's been parroting Giles' words about leading armies back at him all night, but finally, she shuts the door in his face and says she's learned all she can from him. Maybe she's seen that his method isn't right for her, esp. upon looking at an injured Dawn.

And a thought completely out of the blue: maybe Buffy needs to not be the scary, authoritative mother that vampire!Spike's mum and Nikki were (and that Joyce often was with her) and instead be human!Spike's mum and free her loving, compassionate side instead.

I think I've completely confused myself now.

In other, non-Buffy, events (gasp! there is such thing!), I have started playing Zelda: Ocarina of Time. This is a very big thing. I am not a video game player. I am completely incapable of walking my character in a straight line, which definitely makes fighting difficult. And I'm really good at the non-hand-eye-coordination thing as well. But everyone keeps saying this is a great fantasy epic. Hrm. Well, we'll see if I end up being bored of it or horribly obssessed. So far, I managed to get Link across a high up bridge. It was very difficult and probably took far too long. I also killed some carnivorous plants. I don't like carnivorous plants. I feel that's wrong somehow.

Comments

Zelda

[tigermwd.livejournal.com]

The Gamecube game has come out today. It's very... cartoonish, utilizing cel-shading. If ya wanna see it, lemme know. I think I'm gonna go to Best Buy today and purchase it. Makes for a great thesis-study-break.

Re: Zelda

[oyceter]

I saw the preview, really weird. I think the boy's getting it (supposedly today, except FedEx came by when no one was in the room). Thanks though! I think I will see if I can actually play the old one first....