So pissed off.
Mon, May. 12th, 2003 05:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
oyceterI'm so mad right now. First of all, I'm stupid. I just remembered today, before Dean's date, when everything is due, that I have not one paper due tomorrow, which I thought, but TWO. And the second one is seven pages long. It shouldn't seem long compared to the stupid thesis, but after the thesis, I just feel so burned out. I do not want to write anymore. Ever. Why does my university not understand this?
Secondly, I finally went in and talked the prof. who's giving me comps for Chinese lit. And I swear, none of my professors have any idea what's going on. This is the first year my department has decided to do real comps, as opposed to slipping a few questions in thesis defense, and no one seems to have any idea of how it's going to go. And this professor just kept getting everything wrong! I think he started assuming I didn't know anything about Chinese literature because I've only taken one course in it, as opposed to the *gasp* two I've taken in Chinese history, and started suggesting that we could concentrate on Japanese lit. Well, I don't know anything about modern Japanese literature, so I told him I'd very much prefer us sticking to the topic I picked in the first place. Then he asked me what Chinese history classes I've taken, and I told him I took one on the Qing dynasty and HIS 207 (East Asia up to the 1800s). And he said some random stuff about looking at Chinese history AFTER the Qing dynasty and comparing it to modern developments in Japanese history, completely ignoring or not knowing that HIS 207 is UP TO the 1800s, not after. I know nothing about modern Chinese history! Argh! And it just kept going like that... I'd say something and he'd completely misinterpret it. Finally, I think I got the point across that I can do lyric stuff in Chinese literature from the earliest forms up to the Song Dynasty. Which is a lot of stuff! It goes from 1000 BC to 1100 AD for heaven's sake!
So now, instead of feeling better about comps, I feel worse. I feel so screwed over by the department. All the professors I've taken classes from are not here right now -- they are on sabbatical or they have moved to another university entirely. So none of the professors giving me comps are ones I've taken classes under -- I don't know them, they don't know me, and I kind of think from the questions I've asked them, they think I'm totally stupid or something. I'd feel so much better if I were taking these with Profs. Howell and Kern, because I know them, they know me, I'd have a much better idea of what to expect, etc.
I must remember what S. said -- all that really matters right now is getting a grade high enough to graduate. This I can do. So: two crappy papers to write tonight, along with studying for pre-modern Japanese history (luckily, my strongest subject). Then tomorrow I'll check out the Chinese lit. anthology and reread poems from last year's Chinese lit. class. And watch Buffy of course. ARGH. I feel so stressed out. I hate this. I can't believe I was so stupid to actually completely forget about an entire paper!!
In other news, watched the Buffy wildfeed. Am completely confused and must watch again before even remotely beginning to clarify my thoughts. Will continue to use the fact about Angel's renewal to calm myself down and ignore the Spike-bashage making the rounds. Having faith in ME. Yes. Good job, me.
Secondly, I finally went in and talked the prof. who's giving me comps for Chinese lit. And I swear, none of my professors have any idea what's going on. This is the first year my department has decided to do real comps, as opposed to slipping a few questions in thesis defense, and no one seems to have any idea of how it's going to go. And this professor just kept getting everything wrong! I think he started assuming I didn't know anything about Chinese literature because I've only taken one course in it, as opposed to the *gasp* two I've taken in Chinese history, and started suggesting that we could concentrate on Japanese lit. Well, I don't know anything about modern Japanese literature, so I told him I'd very much prefer us sticking to the topic I picked in the first place. Then he asked me what Chinese history classes I've taken, and I told him I took one on the Qing dynasty and HIS 207 (East Asia up to the 1800s). And he said some random stuff about looking at Chinese history AFTER the Qing dynasty and comparing it to modern developments in Japanese history, completely ignoring or not knowing that HIS 207 is UP TO the 1800s, not after. I know nothing about modern Chinese history! Argh! And it just kept going like that... I'd say something and he'd completely misinterpret it. Finally, I think I got the point across that I can do lyric stuff in Chinese literature from the earliest forms up to the Song Dynasty. Which is a lot of stuff! It goes from 1000 BC to 1100 AD for heaven's sake!
So now, instead of feeling better about comps, I feel worse. I feel so screwed over by the department. All the professors I've taken classes from are not here right now -- they are on sabbatical or they have moved to another university entirely. So none of the professors giving me comps are ones I've taken classes under -- I don't know them, they don't know me, and I kind of think from the questions I've asked them, they think I'm totally stupid or something. I'd feel so much better if I were taking these with Profs. Howell and Kern, because I know them, they know me, I'd have a much better idea of what to expect, etc.
I must remember what S. said -- all that really matters right now is getting a grade high enough to graduate. This I can do. So: two crappy papers to write tonight, along with studying for pre-modern Japanese history (luckily, my strongest subject). Then tomorrow I'll check out the Chinese lit. anthology and reread poems from last year's Chinese lit. class. And watch Buffy of course. ARGH. I feel so stressed out. I hate this. I can't believe I was so stupid to actually completely forget about an entire paper!!
In other news, watched the Buffy wildfeed. Am completely confused and must watch again before even remotely beginning to clarify my thoughts. Will continue to use the fact about Angel's renewal to calm myself down and ignore the Spike-bashage making the rounds. Having faith in ME. Yes. Good job, me.
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(no subject)
Mon, May. 12th, 2003 09:29 pm (UTC)Yay Buffy party!
(no subject)
Mon, May. 12th, 2003 11:39 pm (UTC)