Thoughts on religion and belief
Mon, May. 12th, 2003 03:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
oyceterFirst things first: apparently Angel's been renewed! WOOHOO!!!! I still have a Joss show on TV!
And now, for more serious matters:
Inspired by scrollgirl's entry
I grew up with a lot of Christian friends and was technically raised Christian -- I read all the Bible stories in my Children's Bible, went to church and Bible study on Sundays -- everyone I knew back in Colorado was Christian. The Chinese Christian community, you know?
Then we moved to Taiwan. And all the people I knew weren't Christian even though a good deal of them were. And I've never really personally believed in God or in Jesus, especially when I hit puberty. My sister says I told her once in eighth grade that all religions were stupid (I don't remember this at all). And it was always strange, reconciling the familial (my mother is Christian and my sister really affirmed herself as a Christian in high school) pressure and belief that I was a Christian -- my mother simply assumes and my sister gently pushes it at me -- with my complete lack of belief. My father's not really anything at all, kind of like me. And, well, I don't know. Sometimes I feel as though it would be easier to be Christian, because there's this set structure to follow and there's the faith aspect. I've always wanted to have faith in something, to not have a nihilistic view of the world. And sometimes I wonder about all religions, if they're merely a way for people to make sense of the universe and of themselves, a reassurance instead of Truth. It was strange when I landed in college and found my mother urging me to join some Christian fellowships here to make friends, because by that time, I'd already associated myself with pretty much not being Christian. I didn't believe. And many of the people I personally met in college were suprisingly more religious than I thought, and many of them were also surprisingly more areligious than I thought. And yes, one of the things that disturbed me most about the areligious ones was that a few of them were pretty vehemently anti-Christian. Well, to me, it seems kind of silly to cast stereotypes on all of Christianity on account of persecution of other religions in the past... I mean, isn't that kind of on the same boat?
Anyway. My friends here introduced me to strange new age things like tarot. I learned more about Buddhism and the origins of the New Testament here (should have taken more religion courses, argh!). And in general, I try to have faith in something, but it's definitely a faith of my own choosing. It's not strict paganism like some of my friends, and it's definitely not Christianity. It's strange, because one of my Christian friends back in high school told me that she felt that not choosing to be Christian was an easier choice than being Christian. Understandably, I had a problem with that. Being Christian seems to come with the problems of absolute faith and belief, especially now, with Darwin and feminism and some kind of archaic notions in the Bible (a lot of my Christian friends have gone through a sort of shaky period in high school/college). But I always felt the great part about it was getting this build in system of belief and this built in community. And kind of knowing your own relationship with the larger universe/God. And being not Christian, yeah, there's no need to struggle with the Bible, but there's also that lack of connection into something bigger that has always been problematic for me.
I really don't know what I'm saying with this. I know I'd like to have faith in something, in something that's larger than me, in something that makes this sometimes crazy place make sense. And despite knowing that Christianity isn't for me, there's something about having that faith and that belief in God that really strikes a chord in me. I use Christinity in this case because that's the largest single group of people I personally know who have this characteristic. All the rest are generally atheists. Then there's my pagan friend and her family who believe in a greater good that's not necessarily the Christian God, which is cool too. Something about faith and about being able to hand one's life to something higher, the belief that somewhere out there, there's an intelligence or a being larger and much much smarter and wiser than us, is extremely appealing. And I admire the people who have that faith, which is why I have a problem with people calling other people "religious fanatics" or assuming that being religious immediately means irrationality or something. But then, there's always the problem with people trying to convert me, which I really hate (constant injunctions to go to church, etc). And there are the questions of real belief and pushing that on to others -- if you know deep in your heart what you believe is true, is it wrong to try to convince others of this? What if they also know that what they believe is true? What about fundamentalists and using religion for war? What about self and free will and interpersonal relationships?
I don't think my sister thinks that I think about religion at all. And yeah, it does bother me when she gently nudges me toward prayer or church or God or something as a means of solving my own problems, because that's not the solution that fits me. I guess it's kind of like that (potentially offensive) question of homosexuality: "Honey, have you ever tried not being gay?" -- I say potentially because I personally don't have a problem with the question "Have you ever tried not being heterosexual?" because, honestly, no, I haven't, and hey, not ruling out any options here. But I can see why the question is often seen as threatening and condescending. But then, the question can always be turned around... have you ever tried not being Christian? To each his own.
Reading Madeleine L'Engle's Genesis trilogy (And It Was Good, Stone for a Pillow, and Sold into Egypt) made me think a lot... she's a Christian writer (obviously), yet her beliefs resonate very much so with me, especially as portrayed in the Time trilogy. But then there are parts in which she asserts that she's not a Universalist, that Christianity is ultimately the only right way to go, that I don't get, especially alongside her arguments that Gandhi and people who have never been exposed to Christianity shouldn't be immediately thought of as worse people. Her views on forgiveness and love and etc. I very much buy into and enjoy and believe in. But my problem is in general the one associated with one God and only one.
Er. There really is no point to all this rambling... just thoughts I've had for a while and finally put down. Thanks very much to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
scrollgirl for making me think about all this!
And now, for more serious matters:
Inspired by scrollgirl's entry
I grew up with a lot of Christian friends and was technically raised Christian -- I read all the Bible stories in my Children's Bible, went to church and Bible study on Sundays -- everyone I knew back in Colorado was Christian. The Chinese Christian community, you know?
Then we moved to Taiwan. And all the people I knew weren't Christian even though a good deal of them were. And I've never really personally believed in God or in Jesus, especially when I hit puberty. My sister says I told her once in eighth grade that all religions were stupid (I don't remember this at all). And it was always strange, reconciling the familial (my mother is Christian and my sister really affirmed herself as a Christian in high school) pressure and belief that I was a Christian -- my mother simply assumes and my sister gently pushes it at me -- with my complete lack of belief. My father's not really anything at all, kind of like me. And, well, I don't know. Sometimes I feel as though it would be easier to be Christian, because there's this set structure to follow and there's the faith aspect. I've always wanted to have faith in something, to not have a nihilistic view of the world. And sometimes I wonder about all religions, if they're merely a way for people to make sense of the universe and of themselves, a reassurance instead of Truth. It was strange when I landed in college and found my mother urging me to join some Christian fellowships here to make friends, because by that time, I'd already associated myself with pretty much not being Christian. I didn't believe. And many of the people I personally met in college were suprisingly more religious than I thought, and many of them were also surprisingly more areligious than I thought. And yes, one of the things that disturbed me most about the areligious ones was that a few of them were pretty vehemently anti-Christian. Well, to me, it seems kind of silly to cast stereotypes on all of Christianity on account of persecution of other religions in the past... I mean, isn't that kind of on the same boat?
Anyway. My friends here introduced me to strange new age things like tarot. I learned more about Buddhism and the origins of the New Testament here (should have taken more religion courses, argh!). And in general, I try to have faith in something, but it's definitely a faith of my own choosing. It's not strict paganism like some of my friends, and it's definitely not Christianity. It's strange, because one of my Christian friends back in high school told me that she felt that not choosing to be Christian was an easier choice than being Christian. Understandably, I had a problem with that. Being Christian seems to come with the problems of absolute faith and belief, especially now, with Darwin and feminism and some kind of archaic notions in the Bible (a lot of my Christian friends have gone through a sort of shaky period in high school/college). But I always felt the great part about it was getting this build in system of belief and this built in community. And kind of knowing your own relationship with the larger universe/God. And being not Christian, yeah, there's no need to struggle with the Bible, but there's also that lack of connection into something bigger that has always been problematic for me.
I really don't know what I'm saying with this. I know I'd like to have faith in something, in something that's larger than me, in something that makes this sometimes crazy place make sense. And despite knowing that Christianity isn't for me, there's something about having that faith and that belief in God that really strikes a chord in me. I use Christinity in this case because that's the largest single group of people I personally know who have this characteristic. All the rest are generally atheists. Then there's my pagan friend and her family who believe in a greater good that's not necessarily the Christian God, which is cool too. Something about faith and about being able to hand one's life to something higher, the belief that somewhere out there, there's an intelligence or a being larger and much much smarter and wiser than us, is extremely appealing. And I admire the people who have that faith, which is why I have a problem with people calling other people "religious fanatics" or assuming that being religious immediately means irrationality or something. But then, there's always the problem with people trying to convert me, which I really hate (constant injunctions to go to church, etc). And there are the questions of real belief and pushing that on to others -- if you know deep in your heart what you believe is true, is it wrong to try to convince others of this? What if they also know that what they believe is true? What about fundamentalists and using religion for war? What about self and free will and interpersonal relationships?
I don't think my sister thinks that I think about religion at all. And yeah, it does bother me when she gently nudges me toward prayer or church or God or something as a means of solving my own problems, because that's not the solution that fits me. I guess it's kind of like that (potentially offensive) question of homosexuality: "Honey, have you ever tried not being gay?" -- I say potentially because I personally don't have a problem with the question "Have you ever tried not being heterosexual?" because, honestly, no, I haven't, and hey, not ruling out any options here. But I can see why the question is often seen as threatening and condescending. But then, the question can always be turned around... have you ever tried not being Christian? To each his own.
Reading Madeleine L'Engle's Genesis trilogy (And It Was Good, Stone for a Pillow, and Sold into Egypt) made me think a lot... she's a Christian writer (obviously), yet her beliefs resonate very much so with me, especially as portrayed in the Time trilogy. But then there are parts in which she asserts that she's not a Universalist, that Christianity is ultimately the only right way to go, that I don't get, especially alongside her arguments that Gandhi and people who have never been exposed to Christianity shouldn't be immediately thought of as worse people. Her views on forgiveness and love and etc. I very much buy into and enjoy and believe in. But my problem is in general the one associated with one God and only one.
Er. There really is no point to all this rambling... just thoughts I've had for a while and finally put down. Thanks very much to
scrollgirl for making me think about all this!
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Tue, May. 13th, 2003 02:55 pm (UTC)Exactly! I have an extremely difficult time dealing with huge goals and plans (as can be seen in the way I go through life... no career goal at all!), and having the small reassurance that yes, the small things are important, comforts me to no end.
I think trusting in the sense of fully believing in something without proof and against all logic and reason is an amazing thing. Yeah, some people may say it's insane, but isn't that the way we love? It's not about what this person did to make me feel today, because I'm sure we can go years on end without understanding certain things. I went through an extremely rough adolescence with my mother -- lots of shouting, crying and general ugliness, but in the end, we both loved each other and that lasted through the years that weren't easy.
I love Madeleine L'Engle so very much. Strangely, I never thought about her rewriting the Bible in Many Waters as an odd thing. I think, to me, the Bible has always been something like myth or legend. I devoured Bible stories as a kid just as I went through all the myth books in the public library.
Heh, I had an argument with the boy before about stars singing. I think I said something like that after we visited the Hayden Planetarium in NY, because something about space and the grandness of so many things like stars out there always gets to me, and that was how I thought about it. And he just looked at me and said something along the lines of "well, I guess they might make some sort of noise when they combust and stuff." I had a very difficult time explaining to him that in this world of fact and science, stars are large balls of gas composed mainly of hydrogen and helium, but somewhere, on another plane, in the world where the Buffy characters are really alive and there was a Garden of Eden, stars sing.