(no subject)
Mon, Nov. 8th, 2004 07:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
oyceterFor some reason, I feel very stressed lately. It doesn't make much sense -- I don't have to job search anymore (glory hallelujah), the current job isn't all that stressful (yet...), I have lots of time to myself at home. But I still feel like my mind keeps whirling around and not staying still. Perhaps it's that I'm still trying to get accustomed to the new job and actually putting my brain to work. Not to belittle the bookstore or anything, which I liked, but pricing books wasn't all that difficult, brain-wise, and it helped that I wasn't trying to desperately multitask everything. (Feels like.. "tuan tuan zhuan" in Chinese, whirling around or somesuch? Am not even sure if I got the pinyin right. It's so strange and interesting how some things just make so much more sense when you express them in another language. I think I am different people to some small extent, depending on if I'm speaking Chinese, English, or Japanese.)
I think my brain sort of went on vacation some time ago, and I'm only noticing it now.
But every day, I get home, and I feel very rushed, like I have to answer tons of email rightthissecond and check LJ and comment and be insightful and brilliant. This is very strange, given that I don't have tons of email (and am far from insightful and brilliant... I shall blame the brain for that one). LJ goes too fast. I can't keep up with all the discussions and whatnot, and I don't want to be left out, but I also don't always have the time or the energy to keep up. And this is after cutting down the FL a bit. Yikes.
Plus, everyone writes these big, wonderful, meaty posts, and mostly I just putter around and write a few sentences about my life.
Ok, I'm going to stop whining now, because this sounds embarrassingly like a bid for attention.
Hrm, maybe part of why I've been feeling so stressed is because my mom's been around, so I've felt like I had to entertain her. And while it was very fun (much shopping was done, to the consternation of my wallet. But new boots! New shirts!) I didn't get too much private time. Or I took private time and then felt guilty about not entertaining. Hrm, and college friend is visiting next weekend, which means more busy-ness. Good busy-ness, but still.
I should remember that being so busy doesn't mean I should dash off little LJ posts -- just writing this down and actually trying to sit and spend time thinking things out has been very calming. I keep making the mistake of thinking that too much information is a problem, when in fact I only get stressed when I have lots of information but not enough time to sit down and deeply process it. Actually doing the sitting down and mulling things over always seems to make me feel better. We can all see why I still want to be in school, yes?
I have Friday's Joan still recorded on Tivo, but I haven't watched it yet. I saw the preview last week with the Judith thing, and really just didn't want to. Plus, last week's episode had embarrassment-factor in the spades, and I don't feel up to it. Maybe I'll watch Into the Woods instead (Sondheim, not Buffy, which would only make me extremely enraged and not unstressed in the slightest).
Stupid things heard at work today:
"Leverage" and "Piece of functionality."
Every time people say stuff like this, I want to say, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." in a really, really awful Spanish accent, so it's probably good for everyone involved that I don't. But honestly. "Leverage" is a perfectly fine and good word (as is "critical") until business people got their hands on it. You don't merely use information -- you leverage it. And similarly, nothing is important if it can be "critical."
Alas, the boy uses "critical" all the time. Drives me batty.
Corporate life is really weird.
I think my brain sort of went on vacation some time ago, and I'm only noticing it now.
But every day, I get home, and I feel very rushed, like I have to answer tons of email rightthissecond and check LJ and comment and be insightful and brilliant. This is very strange, given that I don't have tons of email (and am far from insightful and brilliant... I shall blame the brain for that one). LJ goes too fast. I can't keep up with all the discussions and whatnot, and I don't want to be left out, but I also don't always have the time or the energy to keep up. And this is after cutting down the FL a bit. Yikes.
Plus, everyone writes these big, wonderful, meaty posts, and mostly I just putter around and write a few sentences about my life.
Ok, I'm going to stop whining now, because this sounds embarrassingly like a bid for attention.
Hrm, maybe part of why I've been feeling so stressed is because my mom's been around, so I've felt like I had to entertain her. And while it was very fun (much shopping was done, to the consternation of my wallet. But new boots! New shirts!) I didn't get too much private time. Or I took private time and then felt guilty about not entertaining. Hrm, and college friend is visiting next weekend, which means more busy-ness. Good busy-ness, but still.
I should remember that being so busy doesn't mean I should dash off little LJ posts -- just writing this down and actually trying to sit and spend time thinking things out has been very calming. I keep making the mistake of thinking that too much information is a problem, when in fact I only get stressed when I have lots of information but not enough time to sit down and deeply process it. Actually doing the sitting down and mulling things over always seems to make me feel better. We can all see why I still want to be in school, yes?
I have Friday's Joan still recorded on Tivo, but I haven't watched it yet. I saw the preview last week with the Judith thing, and really just didn't want to. Plus, last week's episode had embarrassment-factor in the spades, and I don't feel up to it. Maybe I'll watch Into the Woods instead (Sondheim, not Buffy, which would only make me extremely enraged and not unstressed in the slightest).
Stupid things heard at work today:
"Leverage" and "Piece of functionality."
Every time people say stuff like this, I want to say, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." in a really, really awful Spanish accent, so it's probably good for everyone involved that I don't. But honestly. "Leverage" is a perfectly fine and good word (as is "critical") until business people got their hands on it. You don't merely use information -- you leverage it. And similarly, nothing is important if it can be "critical."
Alas, the boy uses "critical" all the time. Drives me batty.
Corporate life is really weird.
(no subject)
Mon, Nov. 8th, 2004 08:45 pm (UTC)I have this same reaction. When I got back from Tempe, I sort of gave up, and just started at "now". When I have time, I go back and check on things I might have missed, but LJ discussions tend to move on, and are carried from one journal to the next in a free form mutation that makes it interesting.
I often feel that my Real Life isn't terribly noteworthy. But it's LJ -- if people in the end find it boring, they don't have to read it.
The reason I started an LJ instead of a blog is because there were many discussions I wanted to participate in; the reason I started posting was because people who think that self-publishing is the only way to go -- based on, as far as I can tell, almost nothing resembling fact -- and I cannot keep my mouth shut in that type of discussion. But because there's so much that's interesting out there, if I fail to post regularly, I don't feel pressured.
And the reason that I haven't started blogging instead of LJing (some people consider them the same) is that I think of LJ as simultaneously large and a little corner of the world; I don't expect that people will make fun of my typos, etc. It's your LJ. It's not a contest, it's not a battle, it's not anything you don't want it to be.
I like the book posts, and I don't consider the work-stress strangeness whiny. I can point you at loads of whiny if you want comparisons <wry g>.
(no subject)
Mon, Nov. 8th, 2004 08:58 pm (UTC)I always have to remind myself every so often that I started LJ for myself, and if I'm not getting tons of comments/links/what-have-you, really it doesn't mean anything. The writing in and of itself is therapeutic.
the reason I started posting was because people who think that self-publishing is the only way to go
Speaking of which, some colleague today mentioned self-publishing, and I tried to say why it was bad without standing up and waving my arms in the air and yelling "It's just evil!" ;).