(no subject)

[oyceter]

For some reason, I feel very stressed lately. It doesn't make much sense -- I don't have to job search anymore (glory hallelujah), the current job isn't all that stressful (yet...), I have lots of time to myself at home. But I still feel like my mind keeps whirling around and not staying still. Perhaps it's that I'm still trying to get accustomed to the new job and actually putting my brain to work. Not to belittle the bookstore or anything, which I liked, but pricing books wasn't all that difficult, brain-wise, and it helped that I wasn't trying to desperately multitask everything. (Feels like.. "tuan tuan zhuan" in Chinese, whirling around or somesuch? Am not even sure if I got the pinyin right. It's so strange and interesting how some things just make so much more sense when you express them in another language. I think I am different people to some small extent, depending on if I'm speaking Chinese, English, or Japanese.)

I think my brain sort of went on vacation some time ago, and I'm only noticing it now.

But every day, I get home, and I feel very rushed, like I have to answer tons of email rightthissecond and check LJ and comment and be insightful and brilliant. This is very strange, given that I don't have tons of email (and am far from insightful and brilliant... I shall blame the brain for that one). LJ goes too fast. I can't keep up with all the discussions and whatnot, and I don't want to be left out, but I also don't always have the time or the energy to keep up. And this is after cutting down the FL a bit. Yikes.

Plus, everyone writes these big, wonderful, meaty posts, and mostly I just putter around and write a few sentences about my life.

Ok, I'm going to stop whining now, because this sounds embarrassingly like a bid for attention.

Hrm, maybe part of why I've been feeling so stressed is because my mom's been around, so I've felt like I had to entertain her. And while it was very fun (much shopping was done, to the consternation of my wallet. But new boots! New shirts!) I didn't get too much private time. Or I took private time and then felt guilty about not entertaining. Hrm, and college friend is visiting next weekend, which means more busy-ness. Good busy-ness, but still.

I should remember that being so busy doesn't mean I should dash off little LJ posts -- just writing this down and actually trying to sit and spend time thinking things out has been very calming. I keep making the mistake of thinking that too much information is a problem, when in fact I only get stressed when I have lots of information but not enough time to sit down and deeply process it. Actually doing the sitting down and mulling things over always seems to make me feel better. We can all see why I still want to be in school, yes?

I have Friday's Joan still recorded on Tivo, but I haven't watched it yet. I saw the preview last week with the Judith thing, and really just didn't want to. Plus, last week's episode had embarrassment-factor in the spades, and I don't feel up to it. Maybe I'll watch Into the Woods instead (Sondheim, not Buffy, which would only make me extremely enraged and not unstressed in the slightest).

Stupid things heard at work today:

"Leverage" and "Piece of functionality."

Every time people say stuff like this, I want to say, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." in a really, really awful Spanish accent, so it's probably good for everyone involved that I don't. But honestly. "Leverage" is a perfectly fine and good word (as is "critical") until business people got their hands on it. You don't merely use information -- you leverage it. And similarly, nothing is important if it can be "critical."

Alas, the boy uses "critical" all the time. Drives me batty.

Corporate life is really weird.

Comments

[graygirl.livejournal.com]

That "LJ whine"? So very me, too.

[oyceter]

I often wonder how many of us feel that way but never say it for fear of sounding whiny ;).

I'm guessing lots.

[chungag.livejournal.com]

Wait until you have to synergize the synergies...

[oyceter]

I ph33r the synergies.

Geez. These people, they just make up words left and right, I swear!

[ann1962]

Business speak. It is a control thing. Having a unique jargon or vocabulary makes others seem out of the loop, makes you seem cutting edge, and binds like minded or similarly goaled people together. It is talking about talking rather than working.

I find it really fun to watch. /sarcasm lol

Ok, I'm going to stop whining now, because this sounds embarrassingly like a bid for attention.

Nope, your posts have never seemed whiny, and I have two kids as a barometer. Don't worry, you aren't there yet!!

[oyceter]

*giggles*

I think you're right. They have to make their jobs seem special by using this jargon. It's like newspeak ;).

[msagara.livejournal.com]

But every day, I get home, and I feel very rushed, like I have to answer tons of email rightthissecond and check LJ and comment and be insightful and brilliant. This is very strange, given that I don't have tons of email (and am far from insightful and brilliant... I shall blame the brain for that one). LJ goes too fast. I can't keep up with all the discussions and whatnot, and I don't want to be left out, but I also don't always have the time or the energy to keep up. And this is after cutting down the FL a bit. Yikes.

I have this same reaction. When I got back from Tempe, I sort of gave up, and just started at "now". When I have time, I go back and check on things I might have missed, but LJ discussions tend to move on, and are carried from one journal to the next in a free form mutation that makes it interesting.

I often feel that my Real Life isn't terribly noteworthy. But it's LJ -- if people in the end find it boring, they don't have to read it.

The reason I started an LJ instead of a blog is because there were many discussions I wanted to participate in; the reason I started posting was because people who think that self-publishing is the only way to go -- based on, as far as I can tell, almost nothing resembling fact -- and I cannot keep my mouth shut in that type of discussion. But because there's so much that's interesting out there, if I fail to post regularly, I don't feel pressured.

And the reason that I haven't started blogging instead of LJing (some people consider them the same) is that I think of LJ as simultaneously large and a little corner of the world; I don't expect that people will make fun of my typos, etc. It's your LJ. It's not a contest, it's not a battle, it's not anything you don't want it to be.

I like the book posts, and I don't consider the work-stress strangeness whiny. I can point you at loads of whiny if you want comparisons <wry g>.

[oyceter]

I'm very fond of the discussions on LJ -- my only previous online group experience was through a giant mailing list, and I was always too shy to participate. I think the strange public/private aspects of LJ really helps me at least with joining in discussions.

I always have to remind myself every so often that I started LJ for myself, and if I'm not getting tons of comments/links/what-have-you, really it doesn't mean anything. The writing in and of itself is therapeutic.

the reason I started posting was because people who think that self-publishing is the only way to go

Speaking of which, some colleague today mentioned self-publishing, and I tried to say why it was bad without standing up and waving my arms in the air and yelling "It's just evil!" ;).

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

It seems to me that LJ has gone faster at quantum speed before and after the election. (There was also a bump during the sports events just previous to the election, but I buzzed past all that, having so little free time and zero interest in sports.)

Like msagara I had to start at now when I returned from Tempe. I'm having trouble keeping up as it is--have to read fast, and not comment as much as I'd like, though I know that communication is the bone and sinew of LJ. In trade, I am restraining myself from any personal posts. No one wants to read them anyway. I will only post about books or writing; by far that sort of post gets the most response.

[oyceter]

I can't tell if it's LJ that's gotten faster or just me who's gotten less time, though the elections definitely had everyone in a posting frenzy.

I'm hoping I don't have to go trim down my FL again just to be able to keep up with everyone -- I always feel guilty about just skimming over all these interesting posts without the time to mull over them and give them the attention they should have.

I actually do like reading people's personal posts, for what it's worth. It's just a nice sort of way to "keep in touch," even though in large part it's with a group of people I've never met in RL! Hopefully that will be remedied someday.

[angeyja.livejournal.com]

I do also. Sometimes there are odd side effects. I was ear wormed with the term wack-a-rose Sunday which I'm pretty sure came from you a while back, and I have a visual to go with of you fighting the rose jungle, a leafy strung knot work of growings words and phrases blooming.

[oyceter]

*grins* I like that picture!

Alas, the new minis aren't doing so well. *sigh*

[msagara.livejournal.com]

In trade, I am restraining myself from any personal posts. No one wants to read them anyway. I will only post about books or writing; by far that sort of post gets the most response.

I just want to take up some space in someone else's LJ to say that I'm not entirely sure this is true. Oh, the posts about books or writing getting more responses is probably true, but I'm not certain that people don't want the personal things/real life things as well. Some of what we "know" about on-line friends comes from how they talk about their daily frustrations, and how they handle them.

One of my favourite things at the moment about, say, sdn's journal are her snarky PMS posts. I'll post sometimes, and sometimes not, depending on who's said what.

But other times, when someone has said exactly what I would have said had I commented first, I don't comment; there's only so much "me too" anyone should have to read. And sometimes, I don't know what to say, and say nothing.

It doesn't mean I'm not reading, or even that I'm not interested; sometimes the daily stuff gives the rest of the stuff context.

Of course, sometimes, it makes us look like we're fifteen again <wry g>.

[oyceter]

I ditto this!

Sometimes I think it would help to have some sort of tracking of who reads, instead of who comments, because I occasionally feel like I'm typing into a void. But then, that would probably be just another thing to obsessively check ;).

[msagara.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I think it would help to have some sort of tracking of who reads, instead of who comments, because I occasionally feel like I'm typing into a void. But then, that would probably be just another thing to obsessively check ;).

For some reason, there are many people who feel awkward posting things in the Journals of people they don't know. So it's kind of hard to say who's reading, and for what reasons. I often have people who post in my LJ who haven't 'friended' me, so I just assume that people -- listed or not -- are reading. But I tend to comment here and there because I'm also aware that sometimes its easy to think no one is reading what's written; I'm less concerned with someone saying "who the hell are you?" than I am with people thinking "why should I bother if no one is paying attention" <g>.

[oyceter]

I'm one of those people who always feels awkward posting things in other people's journals ;). I think it's an overgrown sense of politeness or something -- trying not to stick my nose in where I don't belong. Which really doesn't make all that much sense, given how happy comments make me!

Sometimes I forget that people who don't have me friended wander over and read my LJ, mostly because the people who comment are generally people whose LJ's I'm fairly familiar with. These days I really try to comment in other people's journals (especially journals I enjoy that don't get that many comments) to show I'm paying attention. Otherwise it's so easy to forget that the people writing can't tell I'm reading avidly.

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

I love sdn's snarky posts too!

I think I should amend that. I too like to read people's life posts. I ought to have drawn the distinction that I see: there are the posts about real lives, and yes, I think those are an important part of the communication network. But then there are kind of white noise posts.

The most extreme example being Katherine Lawrence's last post--natter about cute hockey players, in response to one of those random number quizes that tell you exactly nothing--after which she picked up her keys, drove out, and shot herself in the head.

The hockey post maybe got her hockey pals to grin for half a second, and non-hockey people to ignore. If she had posted just a line, I'm hurting so bad I'm about to go and make it stop she would have gotten a profound response. Maybe one that might have reached her, I dunno.

That's extreme, I say.

[oyceter]

Ouch, ouch, ouch.

[yhlee.livejournal.com]

*hug*

Despite pining after human company, I get stressed if I have to deal with too much of it. So I can definitely see that being a factor.

[oyceter]

Thanks.

Yeah, people can be stressful. Another strange thing about the new job is that I have to interact. In the bookstore, mostly I was left to my own devices, unless there was a customer around (grrr.. so not a customer service person).

[angeyja.livejournal.com]

I think the busy-ness is a problem.. I feel many times like I'm rushing the work, the boy, the pooches, the LJ, and still not getting to follow down to depth the things that interest me.. I came across balinese dancing in a dream a week ago and those bookmarks are still hanging out unexamined.

Last week seems to have struck people in a few different ways but that sensation you mention of head-in-a-whirl is one I came across in a few journals, other than my own even, so you are not alone.

I am not at heart very social. I enjoy people but I seem to need a good deal of quiet space on a regular basis, and to give things time to settle. It's a balance because too much alone during busy times can have a snake swallowing it's own tail effect, as the brain cycles in on itself.

I know I come to LJ for the books, and the conversation about reading and writing; but it is the personal notes that make the journalists real, and as much as I don't wish struggles on anyone, rather than being annoying, there is an odd kind of comfort in knowing that there are people out there experiencing like, and I feel pretty honored that people let other in as much as they do.

[oyceter]

There's a tarot card I've seen with a person standing on a ball trying to juggle four more or so which expresses quite well how I feel sometimes ;).

I'm still trying to find the balance between too much quiet time and not enough. One of the tougher parts of the bookstore was that I was in a room by myself for a great deal of the day, which was wearying. But now, with people all around the whole eight hours of work, the complicated interactions tend to tire me out.

I really like the balance between the personal entries and the ones that are more topical -- even though I deeply enjoy the entries on Buffy and books and writing and such, you're right, the personal notes give a face to the journal.

Btw, I'm so glad to see you around LJ again!

[thinkum]

LJ goes too fast. I can't keep up with all the discussions and whatnot, and I don't want to be left out, but I also don't always have the time or the energy to keep up. And this is after cutting down the FL a bit. Yikes. [...] Plus, everyone writes these big, wonderful, meaty posts, and mostly I just putter around and write a few sentences about my life.

It's challenging. I find myself becoming horrifically frustrated, because there are so many blogs out there that are fascinating and enlightening and creative and amazing and there's just not enough time in a day to read them all. I feel rather like one of my nephews did, when told that even if he spent his entire lifetime at it, he couldn't visit all the stars and planets in the heavens: total, irrational disappointment. But that's the way of the Universe, and I do my best to be grateful for those pieces of it I'm fortunate enough to see and experience.

Oh, and those short posts about daily life? They often yield some of the most interesting discussions of all. ;-)

[oyceter]

I like the universe ananlogy -- that's actually the exact same way I feel about books (and LJ) a great deal of the time. But then, I also feel rather grateful that I'm never going to run out. It's a nice sense of bountifulness in another way.

[thinkum]

It's a nice sense of bountifulness in another way.

Absolutely. ;-)