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oyceterHad a bad night last night worrying about the job market. The boy got into Stanford business school, which is extremely happy for him, especially considering that we're seniors, and he basically has no work experience outside of summer internships. It's also happy because Bay Area, CA is definitely where I want to be in the near future -- great weather (NO MORE SNOW!), Chinese food, family friends, and malls. Yes, I am shallow. However, Bay Area jobs seem to be very hard to find... I went online to search, and no one is looking for someone like me. Everyone seems to want engineers of all shapes and colors, MBA people or econ people, but no one wants a random girl who can speak Japanese and Chinese and knows way too much about anime and manga. I wish someone would pay me to watch Buffy and write commentary on it in my LJ. That would probably be my dream job. Either that, or being paid to read new, good fantasy books... or to find new, good YA fantasy authors.
But no. Not only that, but the entire summer ibanking in Hong Kong has adversely affected me. I don't really think I'm very competent anymore, and even though the boy constantly tries to reassure me by saying that the entire business world isn't like ibanking, I can't help but think I'll end up being stuck in a high pressure job where I can't do the work and every day is a struggle to keep going. Yeah, I hated ibanking. Passionately. In fact, I wish a severe case of syphilis to everyone there. Except maybe the nice people, of which there were very few. I also had a great revenge fantasy in which somehow I would get very rich, have a ginormously profitable company looking to do some money raising and ML would be gunning for the deal. I could just walk up to their VP or MD or even Sam Poon himself, stick my tongue out and tell them they sucked. Nya nya nya!
Ahem.
But there has to be more in this world than business and engineering, right? Please? What do all the liberal arts majors who aren't in grad school do? The only people I found who actually wanted someone with my qualifications were the CIA. They're in DC, and they're all politic-y. A policy wonk I am not, despite all my mostly uninformed ramblings about war and politics.
I have this happy idea in the back of my head of starting an independent fantasy bookstore, where I could stock all the out-of-print books and make deals with used bookstores. I'd have a staff that actually read the books and loved them and could recommend books to people based on past buys. It'd be very personal, where I'd know all the customers and say hi to them, with a cute little coffee shop/cafe with sandwiches, hopefully a local business too. And I'd have a pretty reading area where people would have to take their shoes off before getting my nice comfy chairs dirty, but other than that, they would be free to sit and read. I'd have nice activities there every so often and generally have a little community of fantasy-reading people. Unfortunately, I think even if I had this bookstore, it would go bankrupt, I'd never have customers, and I'd be an incompetent store person.
Other than that, I can't think of anything I want to do. Writing my thesis has eradicated any desire to go back to school and *gasp* write ANOTHER thesis! I can't see myself doing business/accounting/anything practical. Teach for America didn't want me, which makes me kind of afraid to pursue teaching, because I would probably suck at it. I looked at Americorps too, and might end up applying for lots of those, because at least I'll feel like I'm doing some worthwhile, but they don't pay very much, and it's very short term. Beside that, I don't think I'm qualified for any job outside of secretary. I hate this. I feel as though I'm in this great school, and I've wasted my entire education dabbling in stupid things like EAS, Japanese, liberal arts and all that stuff. And while I know that isn't true, that it's been a waste because I've loved every minute of it (except maybe thesis writing and some precepts), sometimes it feels as though all of society is trying to forcibly demonstrate that I am not fit for living in it because I cannot function outside of my little world of Buffy, literary analysis, and books. And I resent that I feel like I'm being forced into this world of business and engineering and all that stuff.
In other, happier news, my electrical engineering class (on cell phones, nothing actually technical or difficult) had a guest lecturer from Nokia! This means I am now salivating at the thought of pretty new cell phones. I am such a consumer. And such a sucker for Nokia stuff. They should hire me as a consumer researcher or something. As I said previously, I am very shallow.
But no. Not only that, but the entire summer ibanking in Hong Kong has adversely affected me. I don't really think I'm very competent anymore, and even though the boy constantly tries to reassure me by saying that the entire business world isn't like ibanking, I can't help but think I'll end up being stuck in a high pressure job where I can't do the work and every day is a struggle to keep going. Yeah, I hated ibanking. Passionately. In fact, I wish a severe case of syphilis to everyone there. Except maybe the nice people, of which there were very few. I also had a great revenge fantasy in which somehow I would get very rich, have a ginormously profitable company looking to do some money raising and ML would be gunning for the deal. I could just walk up to their VP or MD or even Sam Poon himself, stick my tongue out and tell them they sucked. Nya nya nya!
Ahem.
But there has to be more in this world than business and engineering, right? Please? What do all the liberal arts majors who aren't in grad school do? The only people I found who actually wanted someone with my qualifications were the CIA. They're in DC, and they're all politic-y. A policy wonk I am not, despite all my mostly uninformed ramblings about war and politics.
I have this happy idea in the back of my head of starting an independent fantasy bookstore, where I could stock all the out-of-print books and make deals with used bookstores. I'd have a staff that actually read the books and loved them and could recommend books to people based on past buys. It'd be very personal, where I'd know all the customers and say hi to them, with a cute little coffee shop/cafe with sandwiches, hopefully a local business too. And I'd have a pretty reading area where people would have to take their shoes off before getting my nice comfy chairs dirty, but other than that, they would be free to sit and read. I'd have nice activities there every so often and generally have a little community of fantasy-reading people. Unfortunately, I think even if I had this bookstore, it would go bankrupt, I'd never have customers, and I'd be an incompetent store person.
Other than that, I can't think of anything I want to do. Writing my thesis has eradicated any desire to go back to school and *gasp* write ANOTHER thesis! I can't see myself doing business/accounting/anything practical. Teach for America didn't want me, which makes me kind of afraid to pursue teaching, because I would probably suck at it. I looked at Americorps too, and might end up applying for lots of those, because at least I'll feel like I'm doing some worthwhile, but they don't pay very much, and it's very short term. Beside that, I don't think I'm qualified for any job outside of secretary. I hate this. I feel as though I'm in this great school, and I've wasted my entire education dabbling in stupid things like EAS, Japanese, liberal arts and all that stuff. And while I know that isn't true, that it's been a waste because I've loved every minute of it (except maybe thesis writing and some precepts), sometimes it feels as though all of society is trying to forcibly demonstrate that I am not fit for living in it because I cannot function outside of my little world of Buffy, literary analysis, and books. And I resent that I feel like I'm being forced into this world of business and engineering and all that stuff.
In other, happier news, my electrical engineering class (on cell phones, nothing actually technical or difficult) had a guest lecturer from Nokia! This means I am now salivating at the thought of pretty new cell phones. I am such a consumer. And such a sucker for Nokia stuff. They should hire me as a consumer researcher or something. As I said previously, I am very shallow.
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Thanks!
Fri, Apr. 4th, 2003 12:39 pm (UTC)What exactly is it that you do?