(no subject)

[oyceter]

I just saw What's So Bad about a Boy Who Wants to Wear a Dress?, a long article in the NYT Magazine on boys who enjoy presenting femininely, along with a rant by umbo. I'm glad there's more on parenting outside the usual binary gender lines, though I wish there had been more from the kids' points of view, as opposed to multiple parents talking about how much they feared for their son when he first started to femme up. It feels like it is scaremongering even as the piece is trying to explore without bias, or at least that the reader will by default identify with the (presumably binary gendered) parent instead of with the genderqueer kid. Also, "genderqueer" as a term only appears halfway through the piece.

What do you guys think?

Comments

[meara]

Was a bit taken aback by the "genderqueer, but that's a weird freaky term nobody knows!" part. Though I admit I'm way more up on that stuff than the vast majority of Americans, I didn't think it was that out there of a word/concept!

[oyceter]

Heh, yes. And I'm glad they figured out genderqueer doesn't always equate trans*, but I was kind of weirded out by the statement that (presumably all) trans* people are gender-binary reinforcing. ???

[jiawen]

Yeah, I found that annoying. Seems like the only mentions of transgender purple were negative ones, and like the article had a vested interest in continuing turf wars between different gender non-conforming groups.

[oyceter]

Ugh, yes, very much so.

[jiawen]

Of course, I meant "people". Yay, my first tablet typo!

I did appreciate its relative depth, though; many such articles aren't anywhere near as long.

[sara]

Both my kids have gotten shit for their "crossdressing"†; I will admit that I am more scared for my son. Although of the two of them he's the one who hasn't been bullied in a goddamn bathroom by older kids about it.

Yet.

But I certainly get the feeling that, particularly for slightly older boys, there is a very real chance your kid will get the shit beat out of him for wearing anything like girls' clothes. Whereas my daughter just (just!) got cornered and yelled at and made fun of.

(Sorry, it's a bit of a sore topic. I try very hard to be a nonviolent person but I really want to hit whoever told these children that we have to sort out what we're going to wear in the morning based on what our crotches look like, and that it's acceptable to be horrible to people who don't conform to our stupid ideas.)


†I have real trouble with the idea that someone is "crossdressing" when they're wearing the clothes they like. There's nothing "cross" about my son in his pink capri pants or me in my Carhartt jacket. We are wearing what we like and are comfortable in at any given time. We are being sensible; it is the rest of the world that is "cross."

[pantryslut]

Thanks for the link to umbo. My first reaction to the article, too, was "it's all well and good to be a tomboy, but watch what happens when your almost 4 y.o. kid starts declaring she's a boy to every stranger she meets." (Pronouns intentional and OK with non-hypothetical kid.)

I was OK with the "scaremongering" aspect because even as a genderqueer parent of a non-gender-conforming kid I go through a lot of anxiety and disorientation. It seems very important to me to allow parents to have space for that anxiety and fear -- to know they can have it without acting on it.

I was *so* pleased to see some developmental discussion that indicated that you cannot predict whether "gender creative" kids (love that term!) will grow up to be genderqueer adults, or not.

I'd've liked to have heard from some children directly, too.

So, yeah, mixed bag but my second reaction? Huge relief to see something discussing this in a manner that clearly defined an in-between gender space and said it was OK for kids to sit there for as long as they like.

[(Anonymous)]

well, I don't see me going out shopping tomorrow, but I have wondered what it would feel like wearing a kilt. I have a friend who wears one and its no big deal. might be interesting.

Related post from ONTD LiveJournal community

[(Anonymous)]

Coincidentally, there's a post (http://ontd-political.livejournal.com/9969691.html) up now in the ONTD-political lj community about a father so supportive of his dress-liking five-year-old boy that when other kids in his small town German kindergarten made fun of the boy for dressing that way, his dad decided to show solidarity by wearing a skirt himself in public. Apparently the first time father and son went out together wearing skirts, one onlooker was so mindboggled that she distractedly walked into a lamp post, making the kid forget his own classmate-induced self-consciousness and burst out laughing. According to the father, now when other boys in his class try to tease his son about wearing "girls' clothes," the kid just smiles and says, "You don't dare to wear dresses because your dads don't dare to wear dresses either."

Marfisa

Re: Related post from ONTD LiveJournal community

[oyceter]

I saw that, so cute!