Romance pet peeves
Thu, Feb. 26th, 2004 09:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
oyceterBecause ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
oracne's been asking a lot of fun questions lately about genre books... this is here because I figure my answer to her post on romance peeves is probably too long to leave in a comment.
So:
Characterization
- Anyone who's TSTL (too stupid to live). I have an especial pet peeve for TSTL heroines.
- People who are supposed to be brilliant spies acting like whiny kids.
- One-dimensional villains who have Evil Villain Sex.
Corollary: In particular, if the aforementioned villain is a woman who is spurred to an insane jealous rage to kill our innocent, pure heroine because the villain has been spurned by our noble hero. Blech. Similarly but not to the same extent, the evil villain who lusts for our innocent, pure heroine (can be a close relation to make it even more squicky), because there's no one who doesn't lust for her.
- This includes the heroine who is too good to be true, and really is (to me, not the author, unfortunately)
- Abused heroes who grow up to be abusive bastards.
- Heroines who don't call aforementioned abusive bastards on their bastardliness and instead turn to mush because he's a poor baby! These two are particularly peevey.
Corollary: Heroines who leave the abusive bastard and then go back, begging for forgiveness.
- Spineless heroines. But I also hate it when the author keeps bashing me over the head and telling me just how much of a spine the heroine has when in fact she's just acting like a spoiled, selfish brat.
- Have I mentioned the alpha bastard hero?
- This includes the hero who was someone abused or spurned by women in the past and thus assumes all women are whores only to be used for sex.
Corollary: This peeve is made even worse when the hero keeps thinking that because the heroine has a sexual response to him, she must be a whore! Therefore he basically rapes her, finds out she's a virgin and then feels vewwy vewwy sowwy. Because it's perfectly OK to rape a non-virgin?! Excuse me!
In conclusion: stupid heroines and bastard heroes. Personality, not parentage. Although a lot of times in romances, the two go hand in hand. In a weird subversion of gender dynamics, I am more forgiving of a TSTL hero and a bastard heroine. Especially if she's tortured and in pain.
Plot
- Anything so anachronistic that even the un-historically-knowledgeable me can pick it up.
Corollary: A particular peeve is when the author shows she has done extensive research on the parts of her book set in Europe but can't be bothered for oh, say, Asia, and perpetrates stupid stereotypes. I especially hate it when the author is trying to be all PC and saying this culture is more at home with their bodies! Look at their tai-chi/Kama Sutra/erotic woodblock prints! And yet, they are more barbaric! The entire Shogun eroticization and exoticization schtick while still maintaining that there is some certain cruelty or hierarchy or whatever embedded. This more than almost anything else will have me chucking the book against the wall (China Bride, hello, I wave to you. Crooked Hearts, you are even worse because you didn't even try to ameliorate the evil yellow China man thing).
- Anything that could have been untangled in the first ten pages if only someone had brains (Ebert's Idiot Plot).
Corollary: Big Secret, Big Misunderstanding plots go right here.
- Something in which I can guess the villain in the first ten pages because it's the least expected option.
- Rape can be effective, but usually it's just a stupid bid for my sympathy for the heroine, who is rapidly losing it anyway because I'm being coerced to feel sorry for her.
- Plot elements that only exist to give the hero and the heroine a chance to meet/bond/have sex. These are more tolerable if there are sufficient psychological or other plotty reasons. This especially goes for paranormal/scifi romances, in which I can feel the author's entire world-building was just so she could have an excuse for the two to be soulmates or have some telepathic bond that transcends everything and can be recognized in about two seconds.
In conclusion: more forgiving on plots if the characterization is ok. I'm like with most things I read/watch, which is why Alias and The Da Vinci Code annoy me (interesting plot -- well, DVC up to a point -- reeeeaaaallly annoying people sometimes).
Sex
- The fact that no one ever has non-vaginal sex. Okay, not entirely true. The heroine often gets oral sex, but whenever there is a blowjob, the hero will invariably yank her head up before he comes
and goes on with "normal" sex. This annoys me. A lot. Like, what? Is the heroine too pure to swallow or what?
- Stupid purple prose. This will be addressed in another section. Yes, so I'm organizing my peeves.
- Simultaneous orgasms. Not so bad, until coupled with the simultaneous orgasm despite it being the heroine's first time having sex (or her first time having sex that hasn't been rape).
- The heroine has been scared of sex all her life (for whatever reason), but the hero's Mad Sex Skillz cure her.
- Despite it being the first time for her, it is always the best sex he's ever had in his life, even if he's slept with trained courtesans and half of Europe to boot.
- No protection being used in contemporaries.
- Not sex per se, but why do we always have an experienced hero and a virginal heroine? This alone makes me want to throw things.
- I'm sure it's a lovely text, but I hate having the Kama Sutra quoted in my sex scenes. Especially when they are people from the Regency period. Squared if this includes calling "her center of womanhood" "yoni," "lotus whatever," insert other stupid Eastern tripe here. I roll my eyes at the continued exoticization of the East.
- Heroines who are amazed that they get wet or their nipples get hard and have to ask the hero what it means.
- Somehow, mind-blowing sex of the first degree seems to indicate that the heroine has found her one true love. The Alpha bastard hero, on the other hand, will assume that she lied when she said she was a virgin, because no virgin would respond like that! Big Misunderstanding ensues.
- The way sex always goes without a hitch, no awkwardness that isn't shy sexiness, no mad scrambling away from the wet spot, nothing.
In conclusion: Sometimes it makes me wonder if the authors have actually had sex.
Prose
- It's a penis. Not that hard. I think the worst thing I've read is something along the lines of "throbbing tumescence."
- Ditto with the vagina. I particularly dislike ones that weep.
- Jewel-tone hair and eye color.
- How come the hero's always taller by a foot or so?
- Small, delicate, yet incredibly buxom heroines.
In conclusion: small beans.
I think that's most of them!
Wait... assorted: incredibly cute children or animals. Meddling, matchmaking relatives, especially when the hero and the heroine are not aware of it! And, while I enjoy it when the hero thinks the heroine isn't that great looking at first but gets better, how come it never happens with the hero? I'd like to see the heroine meet someone she's not immediately floored by. I also hate that whenever the heroine cross-dresses, the hero is completely confused that he's attracted to a male. Then, hey, she's a girl! And everything is fixed and he never has to doubt his sexuality. So... he has some secret, female-identifying antenna so he just knows even when he doesn't? And I'm sure the cross-dressing and androgynous behavior had nothing to do with it. The Glamorous Profession the heroine inevitably succeeds at, to the point in which an actress who has never directed before (and stars in her own movie) wins three or four Oscars!
Ok, done now.
oracne's been asking a lot of fun questions lately about genre books... this is here because I figure my answer to her post on romance peeves is probably too long to leave in a comment.So:
Characterization
- Anyone who's TSTL (too stupid to live). I have an especial pet peeve for TSTL heroines.
- People who are supposed to be brilliant spies acting like whiny kids.
- One-dimensional villains who have Evil Villain Sex.
Corollary: In particular, if the aforementioned villain is a woman who is spurred to an insane jealous rage to kill our innocent, pure heroine because the villain has been spurned by our noble hero. Blech. Similarly but not to the same extent, the evil villain who lusts for our innocent, pure heroine (can be a close relation to make it even more squicky), because there's no one who doesn't lust for her.
- This includes the heroine who is too good to be true, and really is (to me, not the author, unfortunately)
- Abused heroes who grow up to be abusive bastards.
- Heroines who don't call aforementioned abusive bastards on their bastardliness and instead turn to mush because he's a poor baby! These two are particularly peevey.
Corollary: Heroines who leave the abusive bastard and then go back, begging for forgiveness.
- Spineless heroines. But I also hate it when the author keeps bashing me over the head and telling me just how much of a spine the heroine has when in fact she's just acting like a spoiled, selfish brat.
- Have I mentioned the alpha bastard hero?
- This includes the hero who was someone abused or spurned by women in the past and thus assumes all women are whores only to be used for sex.
Corollary: This peeve is made even worse when the hero keeps thinking that because the heroine has a sexual response to him, she must be a whore! Therefore he basically rapes her, finds out she's a virgin and then feels vewwy vewwy sowwy. Because it's perfectly OK to rape a non-virgin?! Excuse me!
In conclusion: stupid heroines and bastard heroes. Personality, not parentage. Although a lot of times in romances, the two go hand in hand. In a weird subversion of gender dynamics, I am more forgiving of a TSTL hero and a bastard heroine. Especially if she's tortured and in pain.
Plot
- Anything so anachronistic that even the un-historically-knowledgeable me can pick it up.
Corollary: A particular peeve is when the author shows she has done extensive research on the parts of her book set in Europe but can't be bothered for oh, say, Asia, and perpetrates stupid stereotypes. I especially hate it when the author is trying to be all PC and saying this culture is more at home with their bodies! Look at their tai-chi/Kama Sutra/erotic woodblock prints! And yet, they are more barbaric! The entire Shogun eroticization and exoticization schtick while still maintaining that there is some certain cruelty or hierarchy or whatever embedded. This more than almost anything else will have me chucking the book against the wall (China Bride, hello, I wave to you. Crooked Hearts, you are even worse because you didn't even try to ameliorate the evil yellow China man thing).
- Anything that could have been untangled in the first ten pages if only someone had brains (Ebert's Idiot Plot).
Corollary: Big Secret, Big Misunderstanding plots go right here.
- Something in which I can guess the villain in the first ten pages because it's the least expected option.
- Rape can be effective, but usually it's just a stupid bid for my sympathy for the heroine, who is rapidly losing it anyway because I'm being coerced to feel sorry for her.
- Plot elements that only exist to give the hero and the heroine a chance to meet/bond/have sex. These are more tolerable if there are sufficient psychological or other plotty reasons. This especially goes for paranormal/scifi romances, in which I can feel the author's entire world-building was just so she could have an excuse for the two to be soulmates or have some telepathic bond that transcends everything and can be recognized in about two seconds.
In conclusion: more forgiving on plots if the characterization is ok. I'm like with most things I read/watch, which is why Alias and The Da Vinci Code annoy me (interesting plot -- well, DVC up to a point -- reeeeaaaallly annoying people sometimes).
Sex
- The fact that no one ever has non-vaginal sex. Okay, not entirely true. The heroine often gets oral sex, but whenever there is a blowjob, the hero will invariably yank her head up before he comes
and goes on with "normal" sex. This annoys me. A lot. Like, what? Is the heroine too pure to swallow or what?
- Stupid purple prose. This will be addressed in another section. Yes, so I'm organizing my peeves.
- Simultaneous orgasms. Not so bad, until coupled with the simultaneous orgasm despite it being the heroine's first time having sex (or her first time having sex that hasn't been rape).
- The heroine has been scared of sex all her life (for whatever reason), but the hero's Mad Sex Skillz cure her.
- Despite it being the first time for her, it is always the best sex he's ever had in his life, even if he's slept with trained courtesans and half of Europe to boot.
- No protection being used in contemporaries.
- Not sex per se, but why do we always have an experienced hero and a virginal heroine? This alone makes me want to throw things.
- I'm sure it's a lovely text, but I hate having the Kama Sutra quoted in my sex scenes. Especially when they are people from the Regency period. Squared if this includes calling "her center of womanhood" "yoni," "lotus whatever," insert other stupid Eastern tripe here. I roll my eyes at the continued exoticization of the East.
- Heroines who are amazed that they get wet or their nipples get hard and have to ask the hero what it means.
- Somehow, mind-blowing sex of the first degree seems to indicate that the heroine has found her one true love. The Alpha bastard hero, on the other hand, will assume that she lied when she said she was a virgin, because no virgin would respond like that! Big Misunderstanding ensues.
- The way sex always goes without a hitch, no awkwardness that isn't shy sexiness, no mad scrambling away from the wet spot, nothing.
In conclusion: Sometimes it makes me wonder if the authors have actually had sex.
Prose
- It's a penis. Not that hard. I think the worst thing I've read is something along the lines of "throbbing tumescence."
- Ditto with the vagina. I particularly dislike ones that weep.
- Jewel-tone hair and eye color.
- How come the hero's always taller by a foot or so?
- Small, delicate, yet incredibly buxom heroines.
In conclusion: small beans.
I think that's most of them!
Wait... assorted: incredibly cute children or animals. Meddling, matchmaking relatives, especially when the hero and the heroine are not aware of it! And, while I enjoy it when the hero thinks the heroine isn't that great looking at first but gets better, how come it never happens with the hero? I'd like to see the heroine meet someone she's not immediately floored by. I also hate that whenever the heroine cross-dresses, the hero is completely confused that he's attracted to a male. Then, hey, she's a girl! And everything is fixed and he never has to doubt his sexuality. So... he has some secret, female-identifying antenna so he just knows even when he doesn't? And I'm sure the cross-dressing and androgynous behavior had nothing to do with it. The Glamorous Profession the heroine inevitably succeeds at, to the point in which an actress who has never directed before (and stars in her own movie) wins three or four Oscars!
Ok, done now.
Tags:
(no subject)
Thu, Feb. 26th, 2004 10:33 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Fri, Feb. 27th, 2004 05:55 pm (UTC)And yet, I read them anyway ;). Well. The not too stupid ones.
(no subject)
Fri, Feb. 27th, 2004 09:11 am (UTC)*giggle*
(no subject)
Fri, Feb. 27th, 2004 05:57 pm (UTC)Didn't even notice the double entendre! ^_^
Hey
Sat, Feb. 28th, 2004 01:50 am (UTC)Re: Hey
Sat, Feb. 28th, 2004 08:01 pm (UTC)They do that too...
(no subject)
Sat, Feb. 28th, 2004 03:13 am (UTC)- Heroines who are amazed that they get wet or their nipples get hard and have to ask the hero what it means.
Bwahahahahaha!!
(no subject)
Sat, Feb. 28th, 2004 08:04 pm (UTC)