(no subject)
Thu, Oct. 30th, 2003 08:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
oyceterLast sentence in the Time Magazine eulogy for Soong Mei-ling, Chiang Kai-Shek's wife, on her recent death in Manhattan: "It seemed only right that she died in the land where she had enjoyed her greatest moments and won her most fervent admirers."
Huh? I guess I do not know much about her at all, but what about, um, China? Or Taiwan, that little country she was First Lady of?
Anyway.
Other thoughts: I find I am frighteningly domestic. It's almost like the feeling I used to get back in summer school when all the girls my age would vow vehemently that dear lord no they never played with Barbie and oh my god they wouldn't be caught dead because they were good tomboys they were. I guess sometimes I would feel guilty being all girly and liking my dolls and whatnot. Whatever. But I guess I find it interesting that I rather enjoy living in my small city here, working in a local store, reading the city-wide newspaper, in which someone proposing to someone else via movie theater (the movie theater thing telling the showtimes read "Jess, Will you marry me? Tom" instead) makes the front page. I thought I was very cosmopolitan before too. But I guess it makes a lot of sense considering where I come from. Despite having travelled a good deal and being pretty used to living in two countries, most social interactions have been with the same group of people from the Science-Based Industrial Park in Hsinchu. It's kind of like -- it doesn't matter where I go, because wherever I am, there's probably someone my mom or dad know through the nth degree of people. It's even moreso in California because so many people in Hsinchu have moved there from California or have moved to California after some time in Taiwan. Then there are the people who kind of split their time between California and Taiwan, so it feels normal to me having my mom call and say so-and-so ahyi is going to be in Los Altos for a few weeks, go call her up. Or so-and-so ahyi from Taiwan heard from a friend of a friend that so-and-so is a good dentist in your area; here's the number. And this sense of community has just been reinforced in everything -- I know certain restaurants here very well because they are places we always go to eat during vacations here. I know which restaurants Lin Ah-yi goes to and which ones they know her by name. A lot of people I know all get their hair cut at the same place. We all (back at home) go to the same place to buy electronics because of word of mouth.
And I come from a rather traditional family where my mom cooks and cleans and my dad goes to work and brings home the paycheck. Sometimes I wonder if I am a throwback to the fifties and if one can be a feminist at the same time, but I figure being a feminist is not really contingent upon career (or non-career) choices. I've often joked to friends that I don't have much ambition, and I don't. Mostly I want a good life in which I grow things, maybe raise children (the thought of a future generation of my family is interesting, but screaming babies are also offputting), learn how to cook very very well, have cats, have my laptop, have my books (and maybe my bookstore), and somehow Contribute to the Community. I want a community to belong to, even though sometimes I'm perpetually annoyed by my Hsinchu community and how tight-knit (read, stifling) it can be. But sometimes it's also good to have roots and to have people who've known you for ten years. But then there's also the fandom-me who wants to own a bookstore and reads strange things and thinks Sandman is uplifting and in general does not fit into a happy community life.
Believe it or not, all these thoughts stemmed from my thinking about cooking dinner for the day.
It's weird right now, too, because the boy's in grad school and obviously not really contributing to the household/my apartment, while I cook and clean and go to work every day. But in future plans, boy wants to be some kind of CEO or entrepreneur or who knows what big money thing that is also interesting and fulfilling. And me? I want a bookstore. And I want to move back home sometime so I can make the boy see where I grew up. I'm not even sure if I want a bookstore, because right now I'm kind of scared I'm not a people person enough to pull it off. Also, it very much chains me down to one area, so there will have to be some juggling involved with the bookstore and the moving home plan. Who knows. Maybe teaching at my old school will be in the picture. But in the end, he's probably going to be the one with the big money-making job, which is kind of scary, because financial dependence is not happy (in my mind). You just never know.
I guess I've always felt kind of bad because the things I want from life seem so little. I like puttering around in my kitchen and making food for me and the boy (more for me, heh), and sometimes I stop and think about this domesticity and balance of power in couples, etc. etc. gender politics. Then sometimes I hit myself on the head and say, "Too much meta!" Because in the end, I cook because I like cooking, and I am completely and utterly fascinated with how food is made and what tastes good with what, which explains my obsession with the Food Network. And after the fun part with ingredients and whatnot is over, the boy gets to wash the dishes, oh joy! And I figure if we move in together, he'll not only be paying half the rent, half the cable, half the phone, electricity, and internet bills (yay!), he gets to clean half the time! And then I get to be nitpicky control freak me and natter on about how he is putting my pots back in the wrong place, damnit. This stuff matters to me. And I guess sometimes I just wonder if I am a Stepford Wife who shops at Safeway and Wal-Mart and chain stores all the time. But I look at what my mom does, and it doesn't seem so bad. Of course, there is the money thing, but if I could work half days like Lin Ah-yi and putter around and make enough to buy myself things like proscuitto and organic foods and fresh veggies and fruits, and occasionally go on clothes sprees (and of course, lots and lots of books, but that will happen no matter what), I think I would like that. Enough work so as to not be bored, and enough time to putter and do what I like to do.
Huh? I guess I do not know much about her at all, but what about, um, China? Or Taiwan, that little country she was First Lady of?
Anyway.
Other thoughts: I find I am frighteningly domestic. It's almost like the feeling I used to get back in summer school when all the girls my age would vow vehemently that dear lord no they never played with Barbie and oh my god they wouldn't be caught dead because they were good tomboys they were. I guess sometimes I would feel guilty being all girly and liking my dolls and whatnot. Whatever. But I guess I find it interesting that I rather enjoy living in my small city here, working in a local store, reading the city-wide newspaper, in which someone proposing to someone else via movie theater (the movie theater thing telling the showtimes read "Jess, Will you marry me? Tom" instead) makes the front page. I thought I was very cosmopolitan before too. But I guess it makes a lot of sense considering where I come from. Despite having travelled a good deal and being pretty used to living in two countries, most social interactions have been with the same group of people from the Science-Based Industrial Park in Hsinchu. It's kind of like -- it doesn't matter where I go, because wherever I am, there's probably someone my mom or dad know through the nth degree of people. It's even moreso in California because so many people in Hsinchu have moved there from California or have moved to California after some time in Taiwan. Then there are the people who kind of split their time between California and Taiwan, so it feels normal to me having my mom call and say so-and-so ahyi is going to be in Los Altos for a few weeks, go call her up. Or so-and-so ahyi from Taiwan heard from a friend of a friend that so-and-so is a good dentist in your area; here's the number. And this sense of community has just been reinforced in everything -- I know certain restaurants here very well because they are places we always go to eat during vacations here. I know which restaurants Lin Ah-yi goes to and which ones they know her by name. A lot of people I know all get their hair cut at the same place. We all (back at home) go to the same place to buy electronics because of word of mouth.
And I come from a rather traditional family where my mom cooks and cleans and my dad goes to work and brings home the paycheck. Sometimes I wonder if I am a throwback to the fifties and if one can be a feminist at the same time, but I figure being a feminist is not really contingent upon career (or non-career) choices. I've often joked to friends that I don't have much ambition, and I don't. Mostly I want a good life in which I grow things, maybe raise children (the thought of a future generation of my family is interesting, but screaming babies are also offputting), learn how to cook very very well, have cats, have my laptop, have my books (and maybe my bookstore), and somehow Contribute to the Community. I want a community to belong to, even though sometimes I'm perpetually annoyed by my Hsinchu community and how tight-knit (read, stifling) it can be. But sometimes it's also good to have roots and to have people who've known you for ten years. But then there's also the fandom-me who wants to own a bookstore and reads strange things and thinks Sandman is uplifting and in general does not fit into a happy community life.
Believe it or not, all these thoughts stemmed from my thinking about cooking dinner for the day.
It's weird right now, too, because the boy's in grad school and obviously not really contributing to the household/my apartment, while I cook and clean and go to work every day. But in future plans, boy wants to be some kind of CEO or entrepreneur or who knows what big money thing that is also interesting and fulfilling. And me? I want a bookstore. And I want to move back home sometime so I can make the boy see where I grew up. I'm not even sure if I want a bookstore, because right now I'm kind of scared I'm not a people person enough to pull it off. Also, it very much chains me down to one area, so there will have to be some juggling involved with the bookstore and the moving home plan. Who knows. Maybe teaching at my old school will be in the picture. But in the end, he's probably going to be the one with the big money-making job, which is kind of scary, because financial dependence is not happy (in my mind). You just never know.
I guess I've always felt kind of bad because the things I want from life seem so little. I like puttering around in my kitchen and making food for me and the boy (more for me, heh), and sometimes I stop and think about this domesticity and balance of power in couples, etc. etc. gender politics. Then sometimes I hit myself on the head and say, "Too much meta!" Because in the end, I cook because I like cooking, and I am completely and utterly fascinated with how food is made and what tastes good with what, which explains my obsession with the Food Network. And after the fun part with ingredients and whatnot is over, the boy gets to wash the dishes, oh joy! And I figure if we move in together, he'll not only be paying half the rent, half the cable, half the phone, electricity, and internet bills (yay!), he gets to clean half the time! And then I get to be nitpicky control freak me and natter on about how he is putting my pots back in the wrong place, damnit. This stuff matters to me. And I guess sometimes I just wonder if I am a Stepford Wife who shops at Safeway and Wal-Mart and chain stores all the time. But I look at what my mom does, and it doesn't seem so bad. Of course, there is the money thing, but if I could work half days like Lin Ah-yi and putter around and make enough to buy myself things like proscuitto and organic foods and fresh veggies and fruits, and occasionally go on clothes sprees (and of course, lots and lots of books, but that will happen no matter what), I think I would like that. Enough work so as to not be bored, and enough time to putter and do what I like to do.
(no subject)
Fri, Oct. 31st, 2003 04:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Sat, Nov. 1st, 2003 04:07 am (UTC)(no subject)
Sat, Nov. 1st, 2003 11:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Sun, Nov. 2nd, 2003 03:46 am (UTC)Incidentally, I remember reading something about guys getting more into cooking and the correlation between that and the rise of shiny kitchen stores like William Sonoma (Williams and Sonoma? Williams Sonoma?), where there are little gadgets to do everything my mom probably would have just improvised with.
(no subject)
Mon, Nov. 3rd, 2003 05:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Fri, Oct. 31st, 2003 05:26 pm (UTC)And I have no big career ambitions (just enough to live comfortably by). And I'm a strident feminist!
You're not the only one.
(no subject)
Sat, Nov. 1st, 2003 04:08 am (UTC)^_^. Glad to know I'm in good company.