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Mon, Jun. 30th, 2003 05:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
oyceterThis makes me very very happy.
For a change in tone:
I feel very strange in Taiwan now. I've been an angry person in general this past year, much more so than I normally am, and I can't tell if it was the getting together with the boy, or the horribly summer internship that resulted in depression or something very much like it, or just... starting a different phase of life. Or, of course, all three combined. Mostly, I find myself incredibly annoyed that I'm here with my parents, who continue to tell me what to do, never mind that I just graduated from college and all. And it's all compounded by the fact that I can't just talk to them over the phone once a week or so, nod whenever they say something I completely disagree with, and then go do my own thing. I'm very tired of not being able to do my own thing.
And, well, I feel like I don't belong here anymore. I don't really keep in touch with any of my old high school friends anymore, not that they come back to Taiwan that often anyway. I seem to have a very different attitude about many things than people here. And of course the whole thing with the boy and the ex-friend doesn't help. In fact, that's a huge reason why I don't feel at home here. I'm just completely pissed off (still) that no one even bothered to listen to my side of it, and I've lost a lot of trust in people here. And many things just make me uncomfortable. I'm sick of feeling pressured by both my mom and my sister to be a Christian, never mind that I decided me and Christianity didn't quite get along, once in middle school, and once again when I started college. I hate it when people look at me funny when they realize I socialize with very few Asians in Princeton. It disturbs me when my sister asks every single person, "Would you want to only date Asian people?" and everyone invariably says yes. And my mother wonders why I complain that a lot of the Asians I know are cliqueish and just adds to why I think self-segregation is a bad thing. I mean, how is that any different from a Caucasian saying they would only want to date other white people? And I do understand the desire to preserve one's own culture, but culture isn't an inbred thing. Wouldn't it be nicer to spread one's culture by teaching other people who are not in the culture about it? Or heck, why stick to one national identity? Yes, I am proud I am from Taiwan. But that doesn't mean that I won't be pissy if people from Taiwan go on about stupid Americans who don't understand anything, blah blah, we're so superior, because that's no worse than people saying, wow, look at those Chinese people, ew, I'm so much better.
I am kind of sick of being asked all the time on the street by random people why my Chinese has a funny accent, just as I am kind of sick of being asked by people who know I'm from Taiwan why my English is unaccented. I'm sick of being thought of as anti-American by my American friends and anti-Asian by my Asian friends. I'm sick of people asking me what in the world am I going to do with myself after hearing my major, as though only engineers and business people can get jobs. I'm sick of people who don't talk about the boy because they think I'm scummy for dating him. Therefore I mention him as loudly and as often as possible so they can all tell, yes, I am still dating him and yes, we are very happy thankyouverymuch, and anyone who disapproves should really just fuck off. And all the people who laugh at my Chinese should too. And all the people who don't think I'm Asian enough or American enough or practical enough because I went to college to do stuff I loved, not something that would get me a job. Grrrrrr.
For a change in tone:
I feel very strange in Taiwan now. I've been an angry person in general this past year, much more so than I normally am, and I can't tell if it was the getting together with the boy, or the horribly summer internship that resulted in depression or something very much like it, or just... starting a different phase of life. Or, of course, all three combined. Mostly, I find myself incredibly annoyed that I'm here with my parents, who continue to tell me what to do, never mind that I just graduated from college and all. And it's all compounded by the fact that I can't just talk to them over the phone once a week or so, nod whenever they say something I completely disagree with, and then go do my own thing. I'm very tired of not being able to do my own thing.
And, well, I feel like I don't belong here anymore. I don't really keep in touch with any of my old high school friends anymore, not that they come back to Taiwan that often anyway. I seem to have a very different attitude about many things than people here. And of course the whole thing with the boy and the ex-friend doesn't help. In fact, that's a huge reason why I don't feel at home here. I'm just completely pissed off (still) that no one even bothered to listen to my side of it, and I've lost a lot of trust in people here. And many things just make me uncomfortable. I'm sick of feeling pressured by both my mom and my sister to be a Christian, never mind that I decided me and Christianity didn't quite get along, once in middle school, and once again when I started college. I hate it when people look at me funny when they realize I socialize with very few Asians in Princeton. It disturbs me when my sister asks every single person, "Would you want to only date Asian people?" and everyone invariably says yes. And my mother wonders why I complain that a lot of the Asians I know are cliqueish and just adds to why I think self-segregation is a bad thing. I mean, how is that any different from a Caucasian saying they would only want to date other white people? And I do understand the desire to preserve one's own culture, but culture isn't an inbred thing. Wouldn't it be nicer to spread one's culture by teaching other people who are not in the culture about it? Or heck, why stick to one national identity? Yes, I am proud I am from Taiwan. But that doesn't mean that I won't be pissy if people from Taiwan go on about stupid Americans who don't understand anything, blah blah, we're so superior, because that's no worse than people saying, wow, look at those Chinese people, ew, I'm so much better.
I am kind of sick of being asked all the time on the street by random people why my Chinese has a funny accent, just as I am kind of sick of being asked by people who know I'm from Taiwan why my English is unaccented. I'm sick of being thought of as anti-American by my American friends and anti-Asian by my Asian friends. I'm sick of people asking me what in the world am I going to do with myself after hearing my major, as though only engineers and business people can get jobs. I'm sick of people who don't talk about the boy because they think I'm scummy for dating him. Therefore I mention him as loudly and as often as possible so they can all tell, yes, I am still dating him and yes, we are very happy thankyouverymuch, and anyone who disapproves should really just fuck off. And all the people who laugh at my Chinese should too. And all the people who don't think I'm Asian enough or American enough or practical enough because I went to college to do stuff I loved, not something that would get me a job. Grrrrrr.
