LJ Thoughts
Fri, Jun. 24th, 2005 11:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
oyceterSparked because today is my "categorize everything into Memories" day. Some day I shall adopt tags... aka, a) when I figure out how to duplicate my layout in S2 b) when tags are not limited to 100 entries and c) when tags and memories are mutually inclusive systems, so if you tag something, it appears in Memories, and vice versa.
Anyhow, it's rather interesting, because I enjoy going through everything I've written every month and sorting it out. I mean, some of it is a little embarrassing, but it's interesting. Not just from a depression standpoint, in which I am striving to notice my moods and assorted other mental temperature taking, but just seeing what I wrote and how I said it, how happy I was a certain weekend and how down feeling I was on another. I've got a pretty bad memory, and so LJ is a bit like my second brain.. it helps somewhat recapture the feeling of the moment.
So it's always particularly interesting when I know people who do go through their LJs and are embarrassed by previous entries to the point of deleting them. I suppose I am embarrassed by mine at times, especially since I tend to write with a great deal of run-ons, parentheticals and exclamation points, but another part of me is rather happy for the exclamation-point-happy me who posted two weeks ago, because I don't feel the same level of sheer joy today (not that I am sad, because I am calm and relaxed, but I am definitely not leaking exuberance out of the pores. Alas, I fear I am obnoxiously cheerful). I think part of me rather recoils at the thought of deleting LJ entries. This is probably because I've been keeping various notebooks of things that I find interesting my entire life -- poems, names, story ideas, movies I've seen, etc. I like lists. I like organizing things and having them all there, filed and ready for access. When I got a computer, I'd have my notebooks and Word docs or Excel files or whatnot. I'm still sad that I never managed to rescue all of them when our old computer died, and now I've lost the notebooks as well. It is sometimes painful reading old story tidbits and how bad they are, or my old diaries, in which I write that I feel so old but I sound so young (I shall snicker at this later on and think of how young I sound here too), but it's a bit of a fond painfulness, if that makes any sense. I know I wouldn't be me today without going through those spots.
I don't remember if I felt like this while depressed, but I suspect I wasn't the purging-entries sort, because I still liked rereading, and I don't think I've deleted an entry yet.
Plus, it's rather interesting sort of seeing myself the way other people on LJ are getting to know me, via text on the internet and snapshots of my life. I always wonder what people end of thinking of me, if the me on LJ resembles the me in RL and how far apart the two are. It's very strange, now that I've met LJ people in real life... the first moment is almost always one of shock, in which they don't quite fit my mental picture (aka, Yoon was not actually a crow. Amazing.) And then, I can start seeing resemblances in their conversational voice and their LJ voice, a family resemblance of sorts, and then, sometimes, I can't read their LJs without hearing their voices.
On the opposite side, when I read the LJs of friends that I know in RL, it's always a little strange as well because I feel they are saying things they wouldn't necessary say right out to me, or that I am somehow getting a more intimate picture of what's going on in their heads.
Anyhow, it's rather interesting, because I enjoy going through everything I've written every month and sorting it out. I mean, some of it is a little embarrassing, but it's interesting. Not just from a depression standpoint, in which I am striving to notice my moods and assorted other mental temperature taking, but just seeing what I wrote and how I said it, how happy I was a certain weekend and how down feeling I was on another. I've got a pretty bad memory, and so LJ is a bit like my second brain.. it helps somewhat recapture the feeling of the moment.
So it's always particularly interesting when I know people who do go through their LJs and are embarrassed by previous entries to the point of deleting them. I suppose I am embarrassed by mine at times, especially since I tend to write with a great deal of run-ons, parentheticals and exclamation points, but another part of me is rather happy for the exclamation-point-happy me who posted two weeks ago, because I don't feel the same level of sheer joy today (not that I am sad, because I am calm and relaxed, but I am definitely not leaking exuberance out of the pores. Alas, I fear I am obnoxiously cheerful). I think part of me rather recoils at the thought of deleting LJ entries. This is probably because I've been keeping various notebooks of things that I find interesting my entire life -- poems, names, story ideas, movies I've seen, etc. I like lists. I like organizing things and having them all there, filed and ready for access. When I got a computer, I'd have my notebooks and Word docs or Excel files or whatnot. I'm still sad that I never managed to rescue all of them when our old computer died, and now I've lost the notebooks as well. It is sometimes painful reading old story tidbits and how bad they are, or my old diaries, in which I write that I feel so old but I sound so young (I shall snicker at this later on and think of how young I sound here too), but it's a bit of a fond painfulness, if that makes any sense. I know I wouldn't be me today without going through those spots.
I don't remember if I felt like this while depressed, but I suspect I wasn't the purging-entries sort, because I still liked rereading, and I don't think I've deleted an entry yet.
Plus, it's rather interesting sort of seeing myself the way other people on LJ are getting to know me, via text on the internet and snapshots of my life. I always wonder what people end of thinking of me, if the me on LJ resembles the me in RL and how far apart the two are. It's very strange, now that I've met LJ people in real life... the first moment is almost always one of shock, in which they don't quite fit my mental picture (aka, Yoon was not actually a crow. Amazing.) And then, I can start seeing resemblances in their conversational voice and their LJ voice, a family resemblance of sorts, and then, sometimes, I can't read their LJs without hearing their voices.
On the opposite side, when I read the LJs of friends that I know in RL, it's always a little strange as well because I feel they are saying things they wouldn't necessary say right out to me, or that I am somehow getting a more intimate picture of what's going on in their heads.
Tags:
(no subject)
Sun, Jun. 26th, 2005 01:13 am (UTC)