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So tired. Not really physically tired, although I (still) need to try to do that sleeping at a normal hour thing. Mostly my brain hurts -- too many faces! Too much information! And being me, I am basically paralyzed with the fear of making a mistake. To give you some idea of my neuroses, one of the people on my team asked me to scout around and look for some sites with interesting/good design to brainstorm about a new site template, and I am scared that he now thinks I'm stupid because the sites I picked are stupid.
Yes, I know I'm neurotic, but unfortunately it doesn't make me any less nervous. Really, ibanking was the worst possible job to throw me into as a job introduction... mix a nervous perfectionist with a job that is extremely high pressure which places no priority on one's personal life and you get a nervous perfectionist on the verge of a breakdown because she's scared nothing she does is good enough. I just really don't want to screw up, and because I don't know what any of the standards or protocols or the like are, I feel like I'm stepping on eggshells every single second.
It really is just me too, because everyone I've talked to there is super nice and helpful. I was assigned a buddy, who is nice, the group I work with is really small, the overall department meeting I went to today was actually fun because the fifty-some people in the department and the VP were all joking and laughing and the like. So it is a good environment once I get used to it and know what I'm doing. But meanwhile, it's completely stressing me out because I worry about everything... going home at 5:30 (will they think I am a slacker? But I have nothing due... but other people are still here....), writing emails, everything. Ugh. I know the going home stress is from ibanking -- when you feel guilty about going home at 2 in the morning because everyone else is staying till 4, you know there's some problem.
I just really don't want to screw up.
Weird thing... during the dept. meeting, the VP was introducing the new people (hires and contractors), and the guy sitting behind me looked really familiar and had a familiar-sounding name. Turns out he is a fairly regular trader at the bookstore! So that was really strange talking to him, clash of my two worlds. I still miss the bookstore. How does everyone manage to check their LJs and post and the like from their jobs?
And now, that icon meme that was going around a while back...
( Meme )
Yes, I know I'm neurotic, but unfortunately it doesn't make me any less nervous. Really, ibanking was the worst possible job to throw me into as a job introduction... mix a nervous perfectionist with a job that is extremely high pressure which places no priority on one's personal life and you get a nervous perfectionist on the verge of a breakdown because she's scared nothing she does is good enough. I just really don't want to screw up, and because I don't know what any of the standards or protocols or the like are, I feel like I'm stepping on eggshells every single second.
It really is just me too, because everyone I've talked to there is super nice and helpful. I was assigned a buddy, who is nice, the group I work with is really small, the overall department meeting I went to today was actually fun because the fifty-some people in the department and the VP were all joking and laughing and the like. So it is a good environment once I get used to it and know what I'm doing. But meanwhile, it's completely stressing me out because I worry about everything... going home at 5:30 (will they think I am a slacker? But I have nothing due... but other people are still here....), writing emails, everything. Ugh. I know the going home stress is from ibanking -- when you feel guilty about going home at 2 in the morning because everyone else is staying till 4, you know there's some problem.
I just really don't want to screw up.
Weird thing... during the dept. meeting, the VP was introducing the new people (hires and contractors), and the guy sitting behind me looked really familiar and had a familiar-sounding name. Turns out he is a fairly regular trader at the bookstore! So that was really strange talking to him, clash of my two worlds. I still miss the bookstore. How does everyone manage to check their LJs and post and the like from their jobs?
And now, that icon meme that was going around a while back...
( Meme )