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Scary thoughts
Fri, May. 9th, 2003 08:29 pmWe had Senior Checkout a few days ago, where we got tickets for Class Day, Baccalaureate, Commencement and our caps and gowns. And for the first time, I really realized I'm graduating and leaving this place. It's very strange, and I don't like to think about it too much. Unfortunately, I'm not all that excited about getting out of the univeresity setting. I love classes and reading and etc., although after the thesis, I admit I'm extremely tired of writing papers and analyzing. I do know I need a break from school. But pretty much all my life, I've been aiming for going to college (yes, geeky, high-pressure environment in Taiwan). And when I was here, in a fairly nice institution (which of course pleased the parents) doing my thing (which did not so much please the parents, as "my thing" is generally not practical), it felt as though I'd made it, finally. I wasn't really worried about grades anymore, wasn't worried about all those stupid standardized tests. And now they're kicking me out and I don't know what to do.
I honestly have little to no ambition. The world outside kind of scares me because it seems as though there's so much out there that just has to do with money and economics, stuff I've never been good at. Most of the jobs out there seem to be aimed at other people, people who are not me and who have done practical things like econ and business. And while the boy (who's going for an MBA, which somewhat leads me to doubt him) insists that there is stuff for me to do out there, I haven't seemed to find it yet. Not only that, but even I have no idea what I could do out there. Sometimes I almost feel as though there is no ideal job for me.
And I'm horrible at the meeting new friends and starting over type thing. It's just so strange. It doesn't feel as though I'm graduating from college, like it felt when I was graduating from high school. It feels as though I'm moving to an entirely different arena in life, one in which education and scholarship and all that is not as important as paying the bills and all that. And it's so strange because I've been education-oriented for pretty much all my life so far.
I wish there were an easy answer on what I should do with myself.
I honestly have little to no ambition. The world outside kind of scares me because it seems as though there's so much out there that just has to do with money and economics, stuff I've never been good at. Most of the jobs out there seem to be aimed at other people, people who are not me and who have done practical things like econ and business. And while the boy (who's going for an MBA, which somewhat leads me to doubt him) insists that there is stuff for me to do out there, I haven't seemed to find it yet. Not only that, but even I have no idea what I could do out there. Sometimes I almost feel as though there is no ideal job for me.
And I'm horrible at the meeting new friends and starting over type thing. It's just so strange. It doesn't feel as though I'm graduating from college, like it felt when I was graduating from high school. It feels as though I'm moving to an entirely different arena in life, one in which education and scholarship and all that is not as important as paying the bills and all that. And it's so strange because I've been education-oriented for pretty much all my life so far.
I wish there were an easy answer on what I should do with myself.
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