I came across this post via metafandom and it is awesome. I've been vaguely and aimlessly pondering this sort of thing regards to fanfic recently, and you've put it all very clearly and..good..ly. Because that sort of thing always bugs the heck out of me, I even have trouble with Mr Knightly being all older and smarter.

The particular fanfic trope that seriously bugs me is when one of the few stories where woman rejects a would be alpha male for being a creepy domineering stalker is turned into fanfic where the woman is made to suffer and apologise for her Evil Rejection of the Woobie Alpha Male (I've seen it with both Buffy/Spike and Sarah/Goblin King)

Anyway, you is smart and you write good. Carry on :)