oyceter: Delirium from Sandman with caption "That and the burning baby fish swimming all round your head" (delirium)
[personal profile] oyceter
Am extremely wound up and stressed. I went out looking for an apartment around Bay Area today with my mom, and good god! I'm looking for a nice, cheap place that is affordable, whereas she keeps complaining about how dirty it might be, bad area, etc. So she keeps looking at apartments that are clearly out of my price range, especially since I don't have a job yet! She keeps telling me that she will pay for part of the rent just to get me into a nicer apartment (my mother is very paranoid), but she doesn't quite understand why I don't want that. I don't want to be financially obligated to my parents. I loved having my own job in college and being able to pay for small things for myself. And I guess I am also extremely paranoid about my parents' opinions. This way, if I'm paying for myself, they can't really pressure me into going into some higher paying but extremely corporate job that I might detest because I will be paying my own bills!

Then there was the dinner yesterday. My dad for some reason asked someone from the American branch of his company to take us to dinner and talk to me about job options. It was very strange. First, she didn't know anything about me, obviously, or about what I want to do. After ibanking and after even looking around Cool Company, I don't think I'm all for a corporate job. I really have no marketable skills whatsoever, I have a great aversion to finance, and I don't particularly want to do anything like PR or marketing because I can't even sell myself, much less some random product I'll probably think is crap anyway. Honestly, I've about given up on finding a "respectable" job in my mom's eyes and am just figuring I'll find a job in a bookstore. Hey, at least that way I'll get an employee discount, right? But no, the mother and the father are going on about careers and whatnot. And right now, I can't even think of a career that sounds appealing, much less embark on the path to that career. I don't really want a respectable job. I don't want to be a part of some giant company that talks about its products and its corporate culture because it just feels like they're trying to brainwash me into being some little worker drone person. Ugh.

And I always feel like this, like they're trying to hammer me into some respectable, money-making and non-weird person. Except I am a weird person and they can just screw themselves when they keep saying things aren't so bad! Evil Ibanking Firm just gave me a bad impression! Well, they were the ones who first told me, oh, don't just say you'll dislike the financial sector! Try ibanking! Maybe you'll like it! Just goes to show I should listen to my own instincts about these things.
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Oyceter

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